Something has been on my mind a lot lately, but I’m not sure what to do about it. It’s not bad, definitely good, but I’m self-conflicted.
Let me explain.
You are one of the most important people in my life. Up there with my children. Up there with Elizabeth. And we’ve only been “together” for a month. Everything has happened so fast, yet it doesn’t feel like it. It’s like some sort of time warp. In my mind, it feels like we’ve known each other forever – we’re so comfortable with each other, know each other so well – but then again, everything happened so fast. I just, I can’t explain what I mean. Even now as I’m writing it, and that says a lot. (I definitely write better than I talk. Can you see me smirking? Because I definitely am.)
Time warp, though. Definitely. Time flew, but in that same sense, it stands still, and I can’t wrap my head around it.
I know you. I feel you. I’m comfortable with you. You are one of the most wonderful things to happen to me since forever. I regret nothing. The only thing I would ever regret is losing you. Scaring you off.
And that’s why I keep my mouth shut.
That’s why I distract you. That’s why I constantly kiss you. (Well, sort of. There’s also the fact that I just really like to kiss you.) Kissing you keeps my mouth shut. It prevents me from saying something that might scare you away. And that is something that I would regret. I would regret scaring you away from me.
I would never regret telling you. Unless it meant scaring you away. Unless it changed your opinion of me. Unless you felt pressured. Unless, unless, unless.
I would tell you, but I don’t want to lose you. So please, tell me first. Don’t be a scaredy-cat like me; don’t chicken out from your fears like me. Speak your mind and tell me, because that is possibly the only way that I will say it to you.
I don’t want to lose you, so I want you to feel the same way. And every minute of every hour of every day that I’m awake that’s what I’m thinking about.
And it’s always on the tip of my tongue.
So say it, and I guarantee that I’ll say it back.
I love you.