Just a little relationship advice.

Overthinking is BAD.

You end up paranoid and thinking things about your significant other that are totally untrue. You end up thinking he or she is cheating on you, talking bad about you behind your back, that he or she doesn’t love you, wants to leave you, is bored with you or some sort of complaint.

When most of the time, in reality, it’s the exact opposite.

Your significant other is probably asking one of your close friends advice on what to get you, or praising you in some way: saying how happy he/she is with you.

All your overthinking is, is your insecurities. Point-blank: if you’re insecure about something, ask your significant other about it and get it out in the open; be honest about it. Believe me, in the end, it helps LOADS. If he/she is cheating on you, talking bad about you behind your back, bored with you, etc… then your particular significant other more than likely doesn’t deserve you and you can do better.

Believe me. I learned the hard way.

Now, though, I have (in my mind) the perfect man. Yes, I still have my insecurities, but we talk about them.

Even if you’re shy or scared, communication is key in a relationship. ❤

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WTF?

This isn’t going to be very long and hopefully nobody will hate me for what I’m about to say.

I get on facebook daily. Multiple times daily. And I’m constantly seeing pictures of the children (and, occasionally, adults) that were killed in the Sandy Hook Elementary shooting on December 14.

All I have to say is this: let them rest in peace.

I’m a mother of three and it tears me to bits every time I see one of the small, innocent faces that died. I instantly vision in my head the child whose picture was posted on facebook with their eyes wide open in shock and pain looking down at a bloody bullet hole in his/her chest.

It reminds me of my children. And I cry. I just sit there and ball my freaking eyes out.

And the picture, itself? The ones I normally see on facebook? They normally have writing above them that say something similar to “Like = respect, Ignore = not human”.

What the FUCK, people?! What. The. FUCK?!

So I can sit there and ball my fucking eyes out because an innocent child is murdered for no damned reason other than a fucking crazy person went on a murderous rampage at the school his mother taught at AFTER killing her at her home?! OH! And I cried my eyes out because I pictured said child as my OWN child?! I’m sorry! I didn’t know not liking a facebook picture of a child that isn’t my own made me inhumane, but if I cry my eyes out because I care about those children – OH! and my own?! – you don’t give a shit?! I’m still a fucking inhumane bitch?

WHAT THE FUCK, PEOPLE?!?!

I don’t think the pictures should be passed around at all. I am, surely, not the only person who pictures those children as their own when they see the children of the Sandy Hook shooting that are being passed around facebook.

In fact, I wonder how the parents of said children feel. I wonder how they feel about their children being advertised all over facebook. (I wouldn’t like it, I know that.) Sure, to a point they’re getting sympathy, but I don’t think it’s the right way to go about it.

If people really cared they’d do something about it. If all they’re doing is liking a facebook post to show that they “respect” everybody who has to directly deal with the Sandy Hook shooting, and to make sure that they aren’t labeled as “not human”, well, I feel sorry for them then, and they probably really don’t care that much at all.

It’s physical actions, not meaningless words or pictures on a computer, that count.

Even I know that my blog post right here isn’t going to do anything, but it makes me feel better and gets things off of my chest. I’m just a 22-year-old mom of three hoping that I never have to experience what those parents in Connecticut did, and my heart and prayers go out to them. That’s as much as I can do.

I think too much… I think

So, mild scare today.

My ex decided to ask his “friends” for a ride to come and pick up my kids for his weekly visitation. What’s ironic about this is that this past Sunday he gave me full permission to keep all three little ones through the holiday, no questions asked. In fact, all he did was glance at the calendar, then say “OK”. Whereas last year he fought with me so hard about the Christmas hols, and all I asked for specifically was Christmas Day.

Just a little tidbit: I found out because one of my closer friends works with him, and for some reason, my ex still thinks he’s his friend too. Either way, my friend – who is a male, by the way – told me on his lunch break what happened; my ex asked him for a ride and my friend declined.

So weird. I was baffled by my ex’s behavior. If he had changed his mind and decided to come and get the children today, he should have told me,but he didn’t. Which is just wrong, in my opinion.

What I don’t get, though, were his motivations.

Why was he basically planning on coming over to my place, unannounced, and taking the babies? Yes, I know that I cannot deny him his parental rights set by the court and I would have to hand over my children to him for his weekly visitation (which would suck hardcore). I just don’t get why he wouldn’t tell me. He’s been relatively civil, if a bit vague, ever since the divorce got finalized and he got everything he freaking wanted.

The only thing that I can think of, and I hate to say this because I’m normally not a vindictive person at all, but my ex currently thinks (to my knowledge) that DCS/CPS is investigating me as much as they are him, so he probably wanted to pounce on me and catch me “not taking care of the kids” or with my home a mess.

Thing is, I’m not like him. I feed my children. I change their diapers regularly. I clothe and bathe them. They’re never dirty. They never smell like urine and feces. My floors don’t get dirty to the point where the tile is black and it’s supposed to be white. My home doesn’t, and never has, smelled like urine. (Poo, a couple of times, but that was directly after changing a poopy diaper – and it was only that room. Every parent can attest to that! Lol!)

I don’t know what he was looking for. I don’t know what he was aiming for. I honestly think he is losing his mind. Or is finally coming to the conclusion of what he is losing in his life and is… breaking. I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember how he treated me and has continued to treat my children and I think “He brought this upon himself”; because all of his friends, all of his family,even me, tried to prevent this (though we definitely didn’t see THIS coming), and my ex never listened. He’s too stubborn, too hard-headed, and too self-absorbed to see outside the little world of gaming and computers that he’s created for himself.

That’s why I feel sorry for him. Because in the end, he’s going to be a very, very lonely person and he will have no one but himself to blame. Everyone tried to help him and he didn’t see that. He only thought we were trying to hurt him and blame him for something that “he could never do”.

I hope one day he grows up, so to speak, and learns that not everybody is wrong, and not everything he does is right. Nobody deserves to go through what he is going through, no matter how horrible a person they have been. He just needs to learn the right lessons in life.

And, of course, take the lessons to heart. ❤

To Those Who Wait

I hope I don’t jinx things with this post. Dear lord, I REALLY hope that I don’t jinx things with this post.

Things have been going so well for me lately. My ex-husband got DCS/CPS called on him about 2 weeks ago and ever since then, the CPS investigation has been going really, really good! The DCS/CPS worker called me and asked me if I had any concerns, while reassuring me that the allegations were NOT against me in any way, shape, or form. I told her everything. The lack of clothing, the dirtiness, the diaper rash, the tardiness, the apparent starvation, the bug bites, the state of his apartment when I go to pick my children up. Literally EVERYTHING. What was even funnier is that she told me over the phone that was pretty much what the report that was filed said.

Anyway, she told me to document everything and take pictures. She’s continuing to follow-up with my ex. I’m trying to find a low-fee attorney. I’m hoping things go in my favor this time because during the divorce, he lied his way through it and got everything he wanted. I’m just thanking everything that he didn’t ask for full custody because he probably would have gotten that too.

I get my babies for Christmas, though! I didn’t last year because he fought it. 😦 I’m friggin ECSTATIC this year! They’re all getting good gifts this year, and not just from me and my fiance. 😀

No.

Family is meant to love you. To support you. To be there for you in your time of need.

Not to put you down. Not to tell you that you’re dumb or stupid. Not to tell you that what you’re doing is wrong. That you’re always wrong. That you will never be right.

Family is love. At least, that’s what I thought. I’ve been proven wrong time and time again. Today was another example.

“I love my Mommy, but she doesn’t love me.”

Quote

“The most spectacular, indescribable, deep, euphoric feeling for someone.

Love is an incredibly powerful word. When you’re in love, you always want to be together. When you’re not, you’re thinking about being together because you need that person; without them, your life is incomplete.

This love is unconditional affection with no limits or conditions: completely loving someone. It’s when you trust the other with your life and when you would do anything for each other. When you love someone you want nothing more than for them to be truly happy no matter what it takes because that’s how much you care about them; their needs come before your own. You hide nothing of yourself and can tell the other anything because you know they accept you just the way you are and vice versa.

It’s when they’re the last thing you think about before you go to sleep and when they’re the first thing you think of when you wake up, the feeling that warms your heart and leaves you overcome by a feeling of serenity. Love involves wanting to show your affection and/or devotion to each other. It’s the smile on your face you get when you’re thinking about them and miss them.

Love can make you do anything and sacrifice for what will be better in the end. Love is intense and passionate. Everything seems brighter, happier, and more wonderful when you’re in love. If you find it, don’t let it go.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life.

That word is love.”

Sophocles