I think too much… I think

So, mild scare today.

My ex decided to ask his “friends” for a ride to come and pick up my kids for his weekly visitation. What’s ironic about this is that this past Sunday he gave me full permission to keep all three little ones through the holiday, no questions asked. In fact, all he did was glance at the calendar, then say “OK”. Whereas last year he fought with me so hard about the Christmas hols, and all I asked for specifically was Christmas Day.

Just a little tidbit: I found out because one of my closer friends works with him, and for some reason, my ex still thinks he’s his friend too. Either way, my friend – who is a male, by the way – told me on his lunch break what happened; my ex asked him for a ride and my friend declined.

So weird. I was baffled by my ex’s behavior. If he had changed his mind and decided to come and get the children today, he should have told me,but he didn’t. Which is just wrong, in my opinion.

What I don’t get, though, were his motivations.

Why was he basically planning on coming over to my place, unannounced, and taking the babies? Yes, I know that I cannot deny him his parental rights set by the court and I would have to hand over my children to him for his weekly visitation (which would suck hardcore). I just don’t get why he wouldn’t tell me. He’s been relatively civil, if a bit vague, ever since the divorce got finalized and he got everything he freaking wanted.

The only thing that I can think of, and I hate to say this because I’m normally not a vindictive person at all, but my ex currently thinks (to my knowledge) that DCS/CPS is investigating me as much as they are him, so he probably wanted to pounce on me and catch me “not taking care of the kids” or with my home a mess.

Thing is, I’m not like him. I feed my children. I change their diapers regularly. I clothe and bathe them. They’re never dirty. They never smell like urine and feces. My floors don’t get dirty to the point where the tile is black and it’s supposed to be white. My home doesn’t, and never has, smelled like urine. (Poo, a couple of times, but that was directly after changing a poopy diaper – and it was only that room. Every parent can attest to that! Lol!)

I don’t know what he was looking for. I don’t know what he was aiming for. I honestly think he is losing his mind. Or is finally coming to the conclusion of what he is losing in his life and is… breaking. I almost feel sorry for him, but then I remember how he treated me and has continued to treat my children and I think “He brought this upon himself”; because all of his friends, all of his family,even me, tried to prevent this (though we definitely didn’t see THIS coming), and my ex never listened. He’s too stubborn, too hard-headed, and too self-absorbed to see outside the little world of gaming and computers that he’s created for himself.

That’s why I feel sorry for him. Because in the end, he’s going to be a very, very lonely person and he will have no one but himself to blame. Everyone tried to help him and he didn’t see that. He only thought we were trying to hurt him and blame him for something that “he could never do”.

I hope one day he grows up, so to speak, and learns that not everybody is wrong, and not everything he does is right. Nobody deserves to go through what he is going through, no matter how horrible a person they have been. He just needs to learn the right lessons in life.

And, of course, take the lessons to heart. ❤

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One thought on “I think too much… I think

  1. Pingback: My Past. My Ex. My Anxiety. | Child of the Moon

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