Things Are Coming Along. :)

WOOT!

I made it past 7000 words overall with my NaNoWriMo novel! I wrote over 2000 words tonight! That’s a new record for me! It’s craziness! I have to say, the @NaNoWordSprints on Twitter really help motivate me because, even though they give the option of using a prompt, I almost never do I just use the times they give to help motivate myself into thinking “you have to write /this much/ in /this amount/ of time”. I don’t know why it helps me so much, but I think if I had been doing this every year I would have finished my novels, or would have gotten much farther in them. I can’t wait to see where my novel leads. (Even though, y’know, I have it plotted out….)

But I’m just rambling. Lol!

In another update: I exercised for over an hour today and NOT just on DDR, thank you very much. ;P Lol! I tried very hard to stick to my diet today, but it was very hard. Cause, y’see, today was my fiance’s birthday and we had to celebrate a little bit. So we had cake and ice cream. And pop. But only two glasses of pop! (It was Dr. Pepper.) And I only had one piece of cake. So I didn’t do too horribly bad, but I’m probably going to need to exercise a bit extra tomorrow.

Oh! Something is happening that hasn’t happening in MONTHS. My mom has agreed to take my kids for the weekend – as in, Friday through Sunday. I’m dropping them off tomorrow afternoon with the instructions: no sweets, keep the youngest two seperated at night and they’ll sleep fine, and they get a cough at night. Then I’m probably going to go run off and be merry. And sleep a lot.

This is, by all means, my vacation weekend. And yes, I know that sounds bad because my kids are gone. But did you know that studies have been done and have shown that a couple with kids needs to have at least 1-2 days per month away from their children for personal/private time whether it’s with each other or not. If you  don’t then stress gets too high and things turn ugly. Apparently everybody in my household has super patience and self-control because nothing has happened since around May-June. ^^;;

But now, I must retire to bed. I am super tired. And slightly slap-happy. Hehe.

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Hope, hope, hope!!!!!

So, serious “cheat day” on my diet today… but I had a good reason!

Today was my fiance and I’s anniversary! YAY!

We got a babysitter for the kids for 3-4 hours this evening and we went out and had our first real “date night” with just us since somewhere in the May-June area. We had so much fun. It was relaxing and we just enjoyed ourselves, talking and not having to worry every five seconds about the kids. It felt nice.

Tomorrow’s my fiance’s birthday, and we have to be home for most of the day because the gas is FINALLY getting turned on (we have heat, but the gas is a differet story altogether). They didn’t give us a time, though, so we’re winging it; they did say they’d call 30 minutes before they came. I hope they stick to that because tomorrow is ALSO my oldest child’s picture day and since he’s only in preschool I have to go to the school and help and I’m not sure how long that’s going to take. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m just going to leave my cell phone in the car with my fiance and if they call while I’m in the school then he can call the school, leave a message for me and then come and pick me up later, I guess. If worse comes to worst. ^^;; Lol!

As for my NaNoWriMo novel…. well, um…. I wrote about 400-500 more words today. And for most of the day, my children were really cranky, so I was soothing them. I don’t know why they were. It’s something I’m trying to figure out.

But anyway, I just haven’t had much time to write today. I’m just now writing this and then I plan on heading to bed. Well, I think me and my fiance are going to play a couple rounds of DDR, because it’s awesome and it really does exercise you a bit. (He made the comment earlier that he can already feel the difference in his muscles in his legs.) I hope to write more tomorrow, though! And through the weekend! My mom’s supposed to keep the kids Friday through Sunday, but I haven’t heard back from her yet. Hope, hope, hope!!!!

I’d Rather Not

Back so many weeks ago I posted about one of my friends getting married. I mentioned that I was going to be in her wedding: a bridesmaid. There’s a catch now, and it’s been bothering me for at least two weeks; that’s half the time I’ve known she’s going to be getting married in December.

Last year, for her birthday, there was a big to-do at her place over the weekend. I had to travel out of state for it. It was a month or so before I started dating my fiance. There’s was a dinner and then bar-hopping and then more alcohol back at her place. Lots and lots of alcohol. We played multiple drinking games and everybody ended up getting shit-faced drunk and passing out somewhere. Though, overall, we had fun.

Me? Not so much.

It wasn’t the hangover the next morning. It was in-between that got me. Somebody that was invited, her [current] fiance’s long-time friend, was what happened. To be honest, I don’t remember much. I remember going to take my nightly meds that I’m supposed to take for my epilepsy and when I stumbled into the bedroom she assigned me, he was in the bed. And then… I remember kissing him, but nothing hardcore at all. And there’s black-outs. I kept waking up and I was somewhere else on the bed, in a different position, with less clothing.

I’m going to assume you can figure out what happened. I would rather not relive it again.

The thing is, though. I wasn’t able to tell her everything about what happened within the 48hours after it occurred. I told her some of it, but not all of it. Enough for her to see him as a complete douchebag; though she did tell me that “oh, didn’t I tell you? He’s a complete womanizer and has no respect for women at all” afterward.

I flipped out.

Around a year later I tell her the whole of what happened… or what I can remember of it. I had told my fiance about it and he asked if she knew; he told me I needed to tell her the rest and I did. Afterward, she confronted said guy and she said that he blamed the alcohol.

Now it’s several months later and I have to confront her again. I’m in her wedding. So is he. I can’t be around him. I can’t.

I’ve already confronted her and she doesn’t seem to understand; either that, or she doesn’t believe that any of it actually happened. I’m not sure which to believe. I want her to believe me, but… I just don’t know!

I told her earlier today over the phone that I “wasn’t comfortable being around him”. She said she would talk to her fiance about it, but not before asking me multiple times if I was coming to her wedding.

Yeah. And she asked me that if he gave a “sincere apology” could we work something out?

That hurt. A lot.

Because if he gave an apology now I know it would be forced by her. It’s been over a year later and any time I see him around town he dodges the other way. There’s no way he would willingly apologize and, if he did, there’s no way it would be sincere. I would never believe it, I hate to say.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t. I hate putting her in this spot, but…

Would you want to be so close to someone who raped you?

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