An Apology

It seems that that life just likes to hit me all at once. It really, really does.

First of all, even though I’m posting this on the Internet most of you have probably noticed that I’m trying to remain at least a little bit anonymous, correct? If you haven’t then I guess I just informed you.

It’s like this, though. I’m trying to remain somewhat anonymous for a reason. No, I’m not on the run. No, I haven’t done anything against the law. I’m really not a bad person at all, at least, I think so. Though, I really don’t have anything to hide. Anything, that is, except for certain feelings toward certain people. And I hate it. It’s so stressful.

That’s why I rant on here.

It’s weird, though. I’ve tried to just keep a sort of “digital journal”, not on the Internet, and I completely didn’t keep up with it. Something about posting it online motivates me to keep writing and I don’t know what it is.

But that’s not what I was getting at before either.

I want to stay anonymous in case someone that I happen to write about reads this blog and is offended by something in it. Or, y’know, thinks along the lines of “If that was me they were talking about, I’d be offended”.

I don’t want to offended anybody. That’s part of the reason that I’m ranting on here: so that I don’t actually say anything to anyone. I love my family; I love my friends, and I would never ever want to hurt them in any way, shape, or form.

But I have.

Someone in my family found my blog and read the post I wrote before this and, unfortunately, it had something written about her in it. It wasn’t meant for her eyes. Ever. But she called me crying the next morning after talking to another member of my family. I was painted the bad guy.

So here it is, in case she reads this: I’M SORRY.

I told her over and over again, but I’m not sure that she listened to me or that she understood what I was saying. She was upset and angry. I can understand that, but I honestly don’t think that she was able to see from my point-of-view.

Nothing that I’m writing on here was meant for her eyes. Or any of my family’s. Or friend’s. Or acquaintances. Anybody.

I know that I rant on here and I’m not going to apologize for doing so, but it’s not something that I attempt to do constantly either. I’m not constantly angry at somebody or something. Most of the time it’s worry or paranoia or some sort of confusion. Most of the time it’s me trying to sort out my feelings so that I can understand myself better.

So no, I’m not going to reveal who I am. Not now, not ever. I’m never going to lie either, though. Why should I? This is my outlet and lying will only hinder me.

And so, I will write.

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Crazy, crazy, crazy

So there’s a bit going on now. Life is moving along, I’m happy to announce! ^_^

Unfortunately, that also means that my blog is going to be updating a bit slower for the next couple weeks. I’m going to try and update it every couple days, but there’s a lot going on right now and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to manage it. Plus I’m switching Internet providers because the one I have right now sucks.

My family and I have been in contact with each other a lot more in the past couple of days which actually surprises me. I’m glad, though. I miss talking to my family. I’m not always fond of them or how they treat me or my decisions, but they’re my family and I love them.

I think it’s all of the stress that’s been going around (and yes, I know it’s not a contagion or sickness). They’ve been calling to ask about my children and if they’re doing any better, if they’re still sick. I repeat the same thing over and over again: they’re fine and, no, they’re not sick anymore. It seems to placate them about that topic at least.

But there are other things. Specific things to each individual. I’ve talked to both of my aunts and my mother. Everything’s changing and something is going to explode. I caught my aunt in a lie to my mother the other night and I pointed it out to my mom. She wasn’t happy about being lied to, but I can’t blame her; who would be? It’s more than that, though. There’s more and more that’s building.

I don’t even know how to phrase it. It’s just there. Looming. Like a darkness, a shadow. A presence.

But things are happy now. They’re happy around me. It’s just… when I talk to everybody else I get this mixed feeling inside. There’s something else.

I don’t know. I sound crazy, don’t I?

More Than Just Blogging

Hey, all who read this! What’s up?

This is a friendly update to let you know:

Oh yeah, I write more things than what I write on this blog. Did I forget to mention that?

Of course, everybody who’s read the “About” section of my blog probably knows that already. Along with this blog I write poems, short stories, and am working on various novels and novellas. I do have two poems in print, and they won first and second prizes in widespread contests, but that was at least five years ago. It’s harder now, at least it seems like it.

I’m not big on posting my writings on the Internet, but I found a site that I’m willing to do so. Earlier in the month I posted the link in the upper right corner: deviantART is the name of the site.

But that’s not necessarily what I meant either.

Sure, that’s the majority of what I meant, but not the full story so to speak.

I thnk I’ve mentioned this before, but I when I write, I write with meaning. Sure, it doesn’t always seem so and I know for a fact that sometimes I rant, but can you honestly say that at some point in time you haven’t learned from someone else’s mistake? Or that you’ve never read something someone wrote and it just clicked with you, even though it was one of the most random things you’ve ever read?

That’s what I do.

I try to write about things I know; I will never write otherwise. To me, that’s like lying. Why would you write about something if it wasn’t dear to your heart or affected you in some way?

I’ve written about the measles; it was an informative article, sort of, but it also told you why I was writing it. I wrote that article because my son had contracted it because even though he’d been vaccinated. Did you know that now there’s articles going up about “anti-vaccination protests” and “parents for vaccines not speaking up”? It’s a contradiction, but a story for another post.

I’ve written about government programs and income problems; I’ve written about moving and renting houses. I’ve done before and after articles as I try to work out where I went wrong.

Can you tell me that if you were going through the same problems and saw the articles that it wouldn’t have helped you in some way?

It’s all in the way that you look at it.

Write. Read. Help. Inspire. Realize. Hope.

There’s more to writing than just words.

deviantART – KCmoonchild’s page

The Liebster Award

Soooo~ Excitement and Yayness! I have been nominated for the Liebster Award! It has taken me awhile to wrap my head around the reality of it and I have to say that I am both humbled and flattered greatly by the nomination from JumbledWriter. It really means a lot to me, so Thank You. 🙂

To do this correctly, next up is the set of rules I must follow, which can be found below:

The Liebster Award Rules

1. You must link back to the person who nominated you.
2. You must answer the 10 questions given to you by the nomineed before you.
3. You must pick 10 bloggers to be nominated for the award, whose blogs have fewer than 200 followers.
4. You must provide 10 questions for your nominees to answer.
5. You must visit their blogs and notify your nominees.

And here are my answers to the questions given by JumbledWriter.

1. How long have you had a blog?

I started a blog back in 2010 right after I got married; I was pregnant at the time. It was something for me to rant in because directly after I married, my now ex-husband turned into a viciously abusive jerk and, with my entire being, I believe the only reason it didn’t turn into physical abuse was because I was carrying his child in my womb. I’ve deleted many posts about about him and our marriage.

I lost track of my blog for nearly two years, if you count the deletions, because of the marriage problems. I’m doing my best to keep up with it now.

2. What have been some of your greatest achievements and what steps did you take to complete that achievement? (Does not necessarily have to do with blog.)

One of my greatest achievements has been getting a good lawyer for when I went back to court with my ex-husband and surprising him  when we finally did; they are seperate, yet completely related topics.

My stepfather found the lawyer after I had been searching for months. Thankfully the lawyer was awesome at what he did. I’d been keeping track of phone calls, texts, visitations… Everything. At the time the visitation schedule was I would have the children for 4 days and he would have them for 3 days; he would pick them up from my place for his visitation and I would pick them up from his place at the end of his 3 days. I wrote down the state of his place and the children afterward too.

Early Spring came and he moved out of state. I was told afterward via phone call when he should have told me, minimum, 30 days via registered mail per not only court order but state law. The day/night he told me he was late picking the children up for his visitation and called to tell me he wouldn’t be picking them up, along with informing me he’d moved.

A month or so goes by and his visitations with the children become more strained and he sees them less because he’s not willing to make the trip to see them and I’m not allowed to drive because of my medical condition, which he knows about. He finally gets fed up and instead of trying to compromise he tells me that we’re going to start visitations every other week: where I will have the children for one week and then him for another week. I disagree with him and he threatens me with the court order, saying that I have to give them to him and when I do I’ll never see them again.

That’s what happened too. I tried to prevent it with an injunction and talks with my lawyer, but it didn’t hold up. He lied to me, said he’d be in a hotel, then took off out of state and I didn’t see my children for three weeks. Three whole weeks without talking or seeing my children. My ex-husband wouldn’t let me. He texted me to tell me that it was “to show you what it’s like without your children”. When he finally dropped them back off at my place, he literally did just that. Just dropped them at my door without speaking a word to either me or the children. And then ran.

The day of court, less than a week after I had gotten my children back, his most recent ex-girlfriend, and now one of my closest friends, had been subpoenaed. Willingly. My ex was there pro-bono (no lawyer) and attempted to “defend” himself. He lied in court, rambled, and had no proof of his accusations. To add to that, he back-talked the judge multiple times.

I left with a smile on my face knowing that I had accomplished something after all the fighting and keeping track of things that I’d done. It’s not over, but it’s not the beginning and I’m happy with that. It’s something, which is more than nothing.

3. Please finish this sentence. “Blogging is important to me because…”

It’s a serious stress reliever.

When I write I tend to rant. I’m honest and I get things off my chest. Whether anybody likes it, sees it or cares is not my problem when I’m in that particular mood.

I have to say, it’s far better than screaming or crying. Less so than cuddling. Definitely less so than sex. 😉

It’s also important because I don’t always rant. I write: journalism, emotionally, quotes. It is my hope that someone, somewhere will get something from my blog; it doesn’t matter what as long as it helps them. Maybe teach a lesson? Inspire them? Or even give hope. Though I don’t always write the most straight-forward; most times it’s intended to make you think.

But that’s the beauty of it. Of help. Of hope.

4. What topics do you hope to blog about in the future?

I hope to discuss equality in its many forms: racial, sexual orientation, gender, marriage. I want to discuss discrimination and the way that society and the media is portraying it. I want to discuss parenting and children because I’m a mother of three.

There are many things I want to discuss, that I want to blog about. Hopefully one day I will get to it all.

5. Who are some of your favorite artists? (Can apply to musicians, writers, painters, sculptors, actors, etc….)

I like a little bit of every genre in the music world. Music is part of my soul; it has saved me many a-time. A sampling:

Musicians:
Adele, Nightwish, Within Temptation, Fall Out Boy, Kaskade, Above & Beyond, Eminem, Josh Groban, LeeAnn Womack, Linkin Park, Panic! At the Disco, Three Days Grace, Selena Gomez, Ellie Goulding

I LOVE to read. I can’t remember a time where I wasn’t a bookworm. It’s hard to choose, but I’ll try to narrow it down some.

Writers:
Emily March, Sarah Dessen, Lois Lowry, Stephenie Meyer, Robyn Carr, Dr. Seuss, Robert Frost

6. What is the purpose of your life?

My purpose is my children, to lead them and guide them the best that I can into who they are meant to be.

Secondly: helping others trying to help them not make the same mistakes I’ve made or, in retrospect, help them learn from the mistakes that they have made.

I want to be able to make a difference in this world before I leave it.

7. Did you have a favorite subject in grade school?

I always looked forward to any sort of music or physical arts class. They were always the most enjoyable for me.

In elementary school, Kindergarten thru Fifth grade, I looked forward to Art Class the most. It was there where we would paint, draw, ink, and have fun. It was the best creative outlet we had and I loved it.

In junior high, 6th thru 8th grade, it was Band Class that I looked forward to every day. The teacher was strict, but fun and liked to joke around a lot. I was one of the top students and I was proud. I loved making music and I still do, to this day.

In high school it was Choir Class. The teacher was awesome; he loved to joke and was very friendly and the music we made was lovely. I loved the feeling of knowing that I was doing something, making music with my own voice. It was an accomplishment, like a high.

8. What did you hope to be when you were younger?

I wanted to be a model and/or an artist.

I’ve always been tall for my age, now standing at 5-feet, 10-inches tall, and I was always so skinny. I was hopeful. The praise and encouragement that came from my family probably helped that along a bit, I think.

And I was almost always drawing something, too. I was around my aunt a lot growing up and she influenced me back then because she is a very good “artist” so to speak. She can draw something and make it look exactly like it. It’s awesome.

9. Referring to the previous question, have any of those visions come true?

Not really, no.

I developed depression in middle school after someone I was extremely close to died and I gained a lot of weight quickly and I’ve never been able to get all of it all. Plus, with two pregnancies added on top of that I don’t really think that I’m model material anymore… if I ever really was in the first place. Lol!

And I guess it depends on if you want to stick to just a “drawing” artist or not. My drawing skills grew stagnant as I grew older, but my writing skills quickly improved and it was something I found I enjoyed. I have two published poems, both of which are either a First or Second place in large-scale contests and I have many others that I have written. I have also written many short stories and I am working on a novel right now that I one day hope to get it published. I’m very excited. 🙂

10. If you had to repeat one day of your life forever, which day would you pick?

I’m not sure if I could pick an exact day; I don’t remember every day of my life. I can narrow it down though.

I would want it to be when I was younger; no younger than 13 years old and no older than 17 years old. I wouldn’t want it to be one of my bad days, but not a super good one either. The way I see it is that after reliving a certain day so many times, no matter what the day or memory is, I will end up hating it. I don’t want to end up hating one of the best memories I have.

Here are the 10 bloggers that I have chosen for my Nominees. I encourage everybody reading this to check them out!

For the nominees that I have chosen above, here are the 10 question I give to you:

1. Why did you start blogging and has your reason for blogging changed?

2. When you write on your blog, do you try to stick to a certain length? Why?

3. How long ago did you start your blog?

4. Choose one of the following then explain why you chose it:

  • Anger
  • Envy
  • Gluttony
  • Greed
  • Lust
  • Pride
  • Sloth

5. What was one of the biggest moments of your life, good or bad?

6. [Referring to the question above] Did you change in any way afterward and, if so, how?

7. Is there any day in your past you wish you could redo?

8. [Referring to the question above] What would you change, if anything, and why?

9. Did you ever have to change schools before graduating high school?

10. Where do you picture yourself – school, family, relationship, job – ten years from now?

I hope everybody else who made it this far will enjoy reading through the other blogs and websites. They are truly worth it.

And Thank You, again, JumbledWriter. 🙂

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