Ramble. Rant. Confusion. WTF?!

Have you ever felt like something was happening around you and you could feel it, but you weren’t sure what it was? I have; I do right now.

It’s odd. It’s like I can almost tell what it is, but when I get close to what it is, something throws me off and then I feel like I’m just standing there, confused. It’s horrible. At times I feel like it has something to do with my ex-husband and the pending court case. I think that he’s planning something and that everything I see or hear about him is just some small piece of a bigger puzzle that he’s putting together; almost like he’s trying to get me to believe certain things with lies and manipulation through other people, by making me too comfortable with how things are going in my life now and then everything will just… explode…. around me.

I know I sound paranoid, but I like I said before, after I start thinking like that and “putting my ideas together” so to speak, something throws me off.

Then I start thinking about moving and renting places. About how my fiance said the other night that he’s getting fed up with people not believing that we have the money or judging us on the fact that he’s a full-time student and not taking his student-loan money as if they’ve never dealt with college students before even though we live in a college area. He said that if we didn’t get this place, or a place in general soon, then he was just going to move to a different place that was cheaper (different from the one he has) that allows his dog and is a one-bedroom.

I hate it because I feel like the world is turning against me. Against me and my children. Against me and my fiance.

And then I feel even worse because I feel like my family just hates me because they never talk to me even though I try to make efforts with them. My mother and my uncle try the best that they can, though they have even better excuses for not being able to than the rest.

The family I’m talking about lives excruciatingly close and only talks to people they feel like, it seems, and favor certain people (aka: certain family members), are major hypocrites and like to talk behind peoples back, exaggerate, and/or lie. I know this, but then again, I don’t. I hate it because I love my family and I don’t want to dislike my family, but it seems like they don’t care about me anyway.

I told one of my family members today that there’s a probability of me moving a decent amount away. She looked at me like I was crazy, like she didn’t expect me to ever do something like that. Seriously? What’s keeping me where I am? Family? I can come visit. Friends? What friends? I have no life. I would have more of a life where I’m hoping to move (though I will say that I’m not too hopeful, unfortunately, so yeah).

My life is just crazy, hectic and out of control. I don’t know what’s happening and yet I know exactly what’s going on. It’s a chaotic mess that, ironically, I know where everything’s at.

I’m too young for a mid-life crisis. Gah. :-/


Unfair Income Discrimination

Renting problem solved. I think.

One of my children’s therapists rents homes, a family business I believe, and I mentioned to her what happened on Friday to my fiance and I. First of all, she laughed because she knew the woman-landlord and said that she IS very picky and won’t rent to certain people, but more than that, apparently the therapist and her husband went out to eat with the woman-landlord (Donnie, her name was, I think) on Saturday night and she mentioned that “a set of twins got into the black enamel paint that I just painted the stairs”. I was talked about! Great. -__-;;

Anyway, the therapist told me that it’s kind of good that I won’t be moving there because it’s not a very good neighborhood (I don’t know the town, I’m not from there, but she is) and it’s mostly druggies and has lots of break-ins. I told her the area looked nice, as did the houses. I’ll trust her though. Since she actually rents houses in that town, one would have to assume she knows the area fairly well!


She told me that it doesn’t look good that neither my fiance nor I have a job. I don’t because I’m not allowed to work per SSI rules. Well, actually, per my doctor’s orders and until that’s lifted, I’m stuck at home. Which sucks.

My fiance, on the otherhand, doesn’t work because he’s a full-time student in college. He’s taking 5 classes and even though he’s studious, reading chapters and trying to get ahead so when he actually gets to the assignment and the class he’ll be prepared he won’t have to worry so much, but he just isn’t able; there’s so much to do in life. He’s told me before already that he’s a slow reader and that’s one of his big problems. He’s behind in one of his classes and I just feel so bad; he’s trying so hard!

I’ve heard that a lot of people won’t even consider college students for renting their apartments or houses to.

But apparently one of us needs to be working, because paying until January just doesn’t fit it. And they won’t accept the fact that I’m on SSI, TANF, and other government programs. Gah.

I call discrimination.

We have the money. We’re able to move in, but noooo~ we can’t because we don’t have jobs? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I hate it, but I have to live with it. I’ll deal with it because I have no other choice.

Hopefully things will change. Soon.

House-Hunting FAIL

So, I need a little bit of advice.

Well, erm, that is to say… my fiance and I do. :-/

As I previously posted, my fiance and I finally have the money to rent a house. We’re planning on paying deposit, first month’s rent and 3-5 more months of rent. We have a decent amount of money, especially since my fiance just got his financial aid from his university.

Buuuuut~ apparently that’s not good enough. I’m a stay-at-home mom with minimal money living off of the government; I’ve said a few times that I am and I didn’t think it was such a big deal. I mean, almost everybody in the county I’m living in seems to be on some sort of government program. Of course, there are those people who aren’t that overreact, or those people from out of state or a different county that look down upon me. It’s kind of blah, but that’s different.

Well, actually, even the people on certain governmant programs look down upon it, but I’m getting off topic.

Point is, I didn’t think it too unusual, too big of a deal, until today.

My fiance and I went to see a house we were thinking about renting today. The ad sounded good and we were hopeful. Well, things aren’t always as they seem. We got to the house (it was in a different county) and he went in to announce that we had arrived and to make sure that we could bring in the children; they said we could, so he came back and he helped me round up the little ones and we all went in.

It was a woman landlord, first off. No, I’m not sexist (obviously – I’m a female too, lol), but I will admit to expecting a man to be the landlord. I’ve never really met a female one in my experience. First time for everything, I guess. Anyway, she seemed very friendly and talkative, cooing on about the kids. Then she started asking questions, though it was expected as we were there about the house she was still fixing up.

She asked about our income, how we expected to pay. My fiance told her point-blank that we’d pay her up-front through February and when February came around he’d pay her the other half up-front. I had already replied about my income. What we didn’t expect, and was kind of rude of her actually, was her to turn to me after my fiance spoke to her and say “Well you don’t get enough per month to pay for rent and utilities.”

Honestly. My jaw dropped. I was soooo offended. It was like she just blew off what my fiance said, like she didn’t believe him.

I replied to her though. I told her, once again, how much I got per month. She just seemed to look at me with this false innocent look and then say, almost like she knew that I was offended and didn’t care – false sense of innocence again – “Oh, so you’re on foodstamps?”

I nodded my head at her and told her that “Yes, I am” and told her of the other various government programs I’m on.

She didn’t seem to look too highly upon me or act as friendly with either me or my fiance after that brief interlude. I just can’t figure it out.

The thing is, though, while the house in general is nice, there are sooooo many things that she so obviously has no idea about.

I’m not a judgmental person by any means. That’s not me bragging, that’s me repeating what other people have told me about myself and finally admitting it outloud (figuratively speaking). I try to think the best of people, give second chances and all that jazz that most people take for granted and think is lacking in the world. Well, let’s face it, I grew up with my grandparents so I’m a little old school, so to speak.


This lady-landlord – Donnie, I think her name was – was REpainting every room, along with painting the stairs. As my fiance and I were coming into the house she had just finished painting the stairs: black. She painted the stairs black. That’s HUGE hazard! You can’t see stairs in the dark if they’re painted black! I mean, seriously?

And she was painting every room a different color. A different BOLD color. The living room had a deep burgundy ceiling and the room off of it, I think it was supposed to be some sort of office, had a Harley Davidson theme: it was bright orange with a stretch of “Harley Davidson” paneling running across the midline. The bathroom was a deep, bright blue, themed ocean. The kitchen was basically connected to the living room, seperated by a bar only, and had black and white tile and yellow paint.

I really don’t think she knew what she was doing.

My fiance and I have discussed it and though we figure she’s not going to choose us because she doesn’t “like us”, it’s probably better that way. She was very unprofessional and she had no idea what she was doing. She had us write our information on INDEX CARDS for crying out loud! I don’t think we would have even signed contracts if we’d gotten it. Either way, we won’t know until sometime next week, though we’re already looking in to other places.

But back to my ORIGINAL dilemma that I never really addressed. Is it really that big of a deal for him to not have a job even though he has proof of his income as do I to mine? According to the fair housing act, it’s discrimination and illegal, but I guess if we really don’t have proof (even though we technically do). It’s just kind of blah. One place we looked at wouldn’t even LOOK at us because my fiance was a full-time student and required a co-signer and was going to up our rent if we “met their standards”. How messed up is that?

I don’t know. Things are going a bit downhill now. I wish things would look up for once.

Exciting Day Ahead… Hopefully

Yes, yes, I know. It’s so late that it’s ridiculous. Blame my children. They’re sick and have their sleep schedule off. Well, sort of . They’re kind of sleeping at all hours of the day and just randomly getting hyper at random moments of the day – or night, in this case.


I have happy, joyous news! My fiance and I have finally saved up enough money to get a house together! Here’s the kicker, though: now we have to find one! There seems to be absolutely NONE available in the general area we wanted to move. I don’t want my oldest child to transfer schools, which I might end up having my baby transfer anyway. So that’s going to suck if it ends up happening. I called on four different houses in the past two days and, get this, all of them were sold or rented out less than a week before my call. I think I’m jinxed. I told my fiance he needed to start making the calls for houses because I have bad luck with it.

BUT! We’re supposed to be going to look at a place later today, so I have hope. Friday the 13th is a lucky day for my fiance and I, believe it or not; we originally got together on a Friday the 13th and our wedding date is going to be on one as well! Neither of us is very superstitious, if at all, so it’s all just kind of fun to me and him. We love the idea of it.

I’m getting off topic, though.

We want to find a place within a week, preferably, at most two, so we can move into said house by the end of the month and we won’t have to pay our individual rents. I have to give a “30 day notice” to my apartment complex before I move out anyway, along with cleaning out the apartment and mending any possible mishaps that may have happened. There do happen to be some holes in the walls from baby gates. Bleh.

I’m very excited though. I can’t wait! We searched for a picture online of the house earlier that we’re going to look at tomorrow (we have the address – well, my fiance does) and it looks nice. It’s fenced in, so it’s safe for the children to play outside in the backyard. It has two-levels with 3 bedrooms AND an office and large kitchen. I’m so excited. The office will help my fiance and I since both of us have a large book collection and seperate computers that we both work on. Plus, I’ll be starting college courses in the spring, finally, so I’ll be on the computer more.

I really hope we get the house! I can’t say it enough! I’m just so excited! Wish my fiance and I luck! [Please? Lol!]