Friendship Fail.

A month or so ago I posted about my “best friend” who’s getting married later this month and we were having some difficulties because early-mid last year I was taken advantage of in a most deplorable way and he was standing up for her fiance in the wedding. I haven’t fully gotten past what happened back then and I told her that if he was going to be there, if I had to be around him so intimately [because I, too, am in the wedding] then I wasn’t going to be in the wedding and probably not even attend the ceremony or reception.

Back at my other posts, I thought we had patched things up to the point where we determined that he wasn’t going to be coming: not invited, nodda.

I found out earlier today that not only did neither she nor her fiance tell the friend (the guy who date-raped me) that he was no longer invited to the wedding or anything to do with it, I found out the exact opposite! She has been in contact with him, messaging him and questioning him “why the lack of sudden friendship? I hope there’s no hard feelings from when you moved out earlier this year”.

And no, there’s not apparently. As it turns out, “the guy” and my supposed “best friend” are still good pals and she still considers him a very close friend and is very upset with her fiance because he took his friendship with “the guy” for granted and now she’s trying to mend it. Literally. So far, in fact, that she’s trying to get him to stay in the wedding that he dropped out of being in.

Yeah, the same one that I’m in later this month that my “best friend” said he wasn’t even going to be at. Yet, here she is trying to get him to salvage his friendship with her fiance and come to the wedding “because it would mean a lot to him and he wouldn’t have invited you to stand up for him in the wedding if he wasn’t trying in the friendship”.

I’m so friggin pissed. I’m not sure many people have any idea of just how angry I really and truly am.

So basically, I’ve decided that I’ll go. My children aren’t. They’re going to be staying at my mother’s house for, at the very least, the day of the wedding. My aunt is going because MY fiance decided he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her after this particular stunt and that she isn’t worth rescheduling part of his day at work. Honestly? I’m just going to see what exactly she thinks of me. If “the guy” is there, most especially in the Bridal Party, then I’m just walking out and never speaking to her again. It will be her fault and I just don’t care. I’m at the point of almost not going anyway.

I don’t know what she must think of me, but she must think I’m just some little toy, some sort of pawn, to be used and played with and whose emotions are so easily messed with it’s not funny. She must think that I’ll forgive her for anything. And she must not believe what I told her. I’m hurt; I feel betrayed. This is truly the last straw and for more reasons than one.

She’s the reason why my fiance almost broke up with me this afternoon. And that’s a much longer story. Let’s just leave that at with her, there’s been so much drama and it’s causing him to doubt me in several ways.

I’m not a liar and he has no reason to doubt me. I’m hurt, I’m disgusted, and I’m betrayed. I will not lose one of the most important people in my life because of some petty drama. She wants drama, she’ll get it on her wedding day, especially if she’s the cause of it. Using the “but it’s my wedding day” card won’t work on me then.

And I’m normally not such a bitch. I’m just that angry and hurt.


Update? ;) Lol

So it’s totally been awhile but things have been uber hectic around here. I thought everyone (if anyone is still reading this, lol) deserved a brief update, at least, to know that I’m still alive! 😉

Basically, since Thanksgiving, hell’s been let loose in the general area. I have a basic civil war going on in my family and I’m stuck in the middle. Gotta love it. Right now I’m housing one of my aunt’s because she was kicked out of another family member’s house because they were just “sick and tired of her shit” and I’m the only one who is willing to listen to my aunt and let her live with me. Can you see just how nice my family is?

Plus, y’know, my house is being worked on, foundation and electricity-wise, and so my electricity bill jump sky-high from last month. Which I can’t afford at all. My food stamps are dropping by over $50 and I can’t afford that either. I’ve had to cancel 2 doctor’s appointments for my children because I can’t afford the gas mileage to take them because money is so tight this month. I hate this. I hate it all. I’m trying so hard, and so is my fiance, but nothing we’re doing is helping.

The only good news that I have is from my oldest child’s teacher who called this morning around noon and said that one of the upper grades does a project every year and chooses a family to get presents for and my child’s teacher thought of us. And she is giving us pull-ups from another mom in my child’s class. I’m so, so grateful. I don’t know what I’d do without little things like that.

Things are slowly looking up. Just hope for more good news in the future. 🙂

During Work He Does What?

Ok. So I’m not  complaining, but I just don’t understand how this could happen.

My ex-husband moved out of state over 6 months ago and I’ve little-to-no contact with him since, other than what was required. I’m still “friends”, so to speak, with him on facebook so I see what’s going on in his life and whatnot.

He works everyday. Well, every weekday. He works 8AM-5PM, with normal overtime. He has some sort of computer job; not sure exactly what he does. :-/

Anyway, here’s the kicker.

Everyday, he’s posting on facebook between the hours of 8AM and 5PM.

But not only that, he’s also posting, many more times, on his tumblr account.

Oh, and he gets on his online dating site that he brags about being on.

All during the hours of 8AM and 5PM, his work hours.

What I don’t get is how his employers don’t know that he’s using their computers, their internet, to get online and do whatever the f**k he wants. From what I’ve gathered from his facebook account, he does the same thing afterwork too: posting on facebook, tumblr, and getting on the online dating site. So is he even doing any work at all? Is he even earning his almost $100k/yr pay?

My answer: probably not.

Unfortunately, I can’t prove it and it’ll be considered heresy – the whole “he said, she said”, even if I print-screened things from all of the sites.

*Le sigh* Sometimes, life just is not fair.

WTF, Obamacare: Short, but Sweet

I don’t know much about Obamacare; I already have health insurance and so do all of my children. I’m thinking I need to look into it, though. Apparently making health insurance a requirement for everyone in the good ol’ U.S. of A. is costing everybody mucho money. Oh, but not just businesses. Education’s taking a cut too.

Especially the area for children with special needs.

The area I live in is taking a cut in education, cutting funds for the teachers and giving them less hours now because of Obamacare. I hate this. Part of the reason I moved to the area I did was because it had some of the best educational resources in my state.

I want to know what Obamacare has to do with cutting our education funds, especially for elementary aged students, and why isn’t the government funding it if it was supposed to “help the people”? I think we’re moving backward instead of forward.

Measles: What Do We Really Know?

I have some news for everyone out there who believes everything their doctors tell them with little to no question.

My oldest child, my son, has the measles. And he’s been vaccinated.


Two weeks ago, to the date, I took my son to the emergency room because he was coughing, lethargic, and had a fever all day. The last time I had checked his temperature it was over 101F. By the time we were at the hospital, my son’s temperature was over 102F. I had sent him to preschool on Wednesday, with what I thought was just a mild cough, thinking he would have Thursday, Friday, plus the weekend for it to go away (he only goes to school two days out of the week).

At the E.R. they diagnosed him with bronchiolitis and a severe double ear infection. Bronchiolitis, ok. That’s going around because it’s been dry recently, but the ear infections confused me because ever since he had ear tubes put in a couple of years ago he hasn’t had even one incidence of a ear infection. Until now.

Later on in the week, my other two children started getting sick and I had them seen by a doctor: bronchiolitis once more, but no ear infection in either of them.

As the days went on my oldest seemed like he was getting better. He was taking his medicines like he was supposed to and his cough was getting better and his temp was going down. Then, all of a sudden, it all got worse. Literally. Overnight from this past Saturday to Sunday it was like BOOM! His temperature  starting going up again and his cough and runny nose came back full force. To add to it all, he started developing a rash: first, on his face and [behind his] ears and quickly spreading to his arms, torso, legs, and back. I freaked out and took him to the emergency room. Again.

Wanna know what they told me? They said that he still had a touch of bronchiolitis and a severe double ear infection (STILL?!) but they had absolutely no idea what his rash was and to go see his pediatrician. (Mind you, this was on Sunday, so I couldn’t have taken him to the doctor yet.)

Over the past couple of days his rash has gotten redder and spread more, though I didn’t think it possible in the beginning. He’s been absolutely miserable itching and coughing, though it’s started to go away, thank goodness. The coughing, that is.

I was able to get him into his pediatrician and after consulting with me, asking me so many questions it was ridiculous, seeing the report from the emergency room, she decided to run a couple of tests of her own to see if my son has the measles.

She told me “It’s definitely viral. I think it’s the measles. If it’s not that, then Fifth’s Disease, but I doubt it.”

The test came back positive and my son has the measles. After he’s been vaccinated. Only once, mind you. But still.

How many of you that are reading this thought that it wasn’t possible to get the measles after even one vaccine? Guess what: it is.

My son’s pediatrician didn’t really say much about how or why he still got the measles even though he had gotten vaccinated, so I did a little digging.

On the Center for Disease Control website, it says:

Almost all children (95  out of 100) who get two doses of MMR vaccine will be protected from measles”.

With that said, and the obvious percentage given, what about the children who are too young to get the second dose of the MMR? What is their percentage of protection? Is it still ninety-five percent? Or is it lower because of only having one vaccination of MMR? They are willing to give out the percent of how many are protected after two doses of the MMR vaccine, but don’t offer the percent for after just one dose. It unnerves me greatly that we are not given any of this information, even though the statistics are so supposedly low for a child, teenager, or adult to get the measles after being vaccinated.

Did you know that in the year 2000 the measles was officially considered to be “eliminated” in the United States? Yes, it’s true! But, on average, each year at least 60 people catch the measles. Average. Meaning that there are years with more. This year, in particular, is the second largest outbreak of the measles since it was labeled with “eliminated” status in 2000, and they’re only counting from January 1 to August 24. The highest number goes to the year 2011 when over 200 people were diagnosed with the measles, several hospitalized.

Apparantely “eliminated” actually means “it’s almost gone”.

Measles –
Measles Vaccine Info –
Measles Outbreak Info –

Unfair Income Discrimination

Renting problem solved. I think.

One of my children’s therapists rents homes, a family business I believe, and I mentioned to her what happened on Friday to my fiance and I. First of all, she laughed because she knew the woman-landlord and said that she IS very picky and won’t rent to certain people, but more than that, apparently the therapist and her husband went out to eat with the woman-landlord (Donnie, her name was, I think) on Saturday night and she mentioned that “a set of twins got into the black enamel paint that I just painted the stairs”. I was talked about! Great. -__-;;

Anyway, the therapist told me that it’s kind of good that I won’t be moving there because it’s not a very good neighborhood (I don’t know the town, I’m not from there, but she is) and it’s mostly druggies and has lots of break-ins. I told her the area looked nice, as did the houses. I’ll trust her though. Since she actually rents houses in that town, one would have to assume she knows the area fairly well!


She told me that it doesn’t look good that neither my fiance nor I have a job. I don’t because I’m not allowed to work per SSI rules. Well, actually, per my doctor’s orders and until that’s lifted, I’m stuck at home. Which sucks.

My fiance, on the otherhand, doesn’t work because he’s a full-time student in college. He’s taking 5 classes and even though he’s studious, reading chapters and trying to get ahead so when he actually gets to the assignment and the class he’ll be prepared he won’t have to worry so much, but he just isn’t able; there’s so much to do in life. He’s told me before already that he’s a slow reader and that’s one of his big problems. He’s behind in one of his classes and I just feel so bad; he’s trying so hard!

I’ve heard that a lot of people won’t even consider college students for renting their apartments or houses to.

But apparently one of us needs to be working, because paying until January just doesn’t fit it. And they won’t accept the fact that I’m on SSI, TANF, and other government programs. Gah.

I call discrimination.

We have the money. We’re able to move in, but noooo~ we can’t because we don’t have jobs? Stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid.

I hate it, but I have to live with it. I’ll deal with it because I have no other choice.

Hopefully things will change. Soon.

Life with Stereotypes

“I predict future happiness for Americans, if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them.”

– Thomas Jefferson

Five years ago, I was just starting my senior year in high school. Five years ago, I was still grieving the loss of my grandmother, my virginity, and my long-term boyfriend who had cheated on me with my best friend. I had a busy schedule with early classes and after-school classes; I wanted to make sure I was prepared for college.

Four years ago, I dropped out of high school because of a disease that prevented me from graduating and my school corporation didn’t acknowledge until the month before I was supposed to graduate. I made a point to take GED classes and get the highest pre-Test score in my state. I was proud.

Now I am a mother of three; I’ve been married, divorced, am engaged, and living on my own (with my children); I have an income and I can pay my bills each month on time; I am able to buy groceries for my children and myself and not worry about going hungry; all three of us have health insurance and see the doctor regularly.

Yes, I am a young mother. Technically I am a single mother since I am not with my children’s biological father, I am unmarried, and I take care of myself; and yes, I know I am looked down upon by the majority of society in my country.

I do not care either.

Here is the point I am trying to make, and something that some, if not most, of you reading this have figured out.

I am on government programs. I am in need of TANF, SNAP, WIC, government housing and medical, but I do not plan on keeping it this way. I do not WANT to keep it this way.

I do not like the looks people give me when I am coming out of my apartment complex, even though I do not look like a slob nor do my children. I dress them decently and I make sure they have baths and are fed. I shower at least every other day.

When I go out I do my make-up (at least eyeliner and lip gloss) and brush my hair: I make myself look decent. I do not wear my pajamas or house-slippers outside of my home; I always wear a bra when I leave my apartment. No, I do not wear short-shorts or belly tops. I do not wear clothes too tight for my weight, nor do I wear clothes that are obviously too big and hanging off of me. I am very self-conscious and always have been; I do not like the fact that people seem to judge others by where they get the money for their food, clothes, and other various items.

So why do I receive the dirty looks? The looks that seem to say they’d rather not be around me, even though they do not know me? Why do people steer clear of me once I tell them where I live or that I am on government assistance?

It is just something that irks me. Not everybody is a stereotype. Not everybody that is on some form of government assistance program does drugs, is an alcoholic or lazy. If people want to believe those stereotypes, then they need to do something about stopping them.

I’m in almost every form of government assistance, to my dismay, but I fully support not only drug testing to get approved for whichever assistance program you may need, but drug testing periodically – say every three to six months – for however long you may be on the assistance program. I know for a fact there will be people who say “nay” and will not want it to occur, because it is true: there are people in the world who put truth into the rumors of the stereotypes, but I have met a lot that make them false as well. I could pass a drug test easily.

Here is an example.

The government-run housing authority that I live in requires eight hours of community service each month unless you are exempt. Reasons to be exempt? You’re disabled (and can show proof), a student, or are on TANF. Why TANF? Because TANF requires you to put a certain amount of hours into looking for a job, working, are a student, or have a child under the age of 3. Not a lot of people are able to be exempt from either the housing authority or TANF.

There are rules and requirements attached to getting approved to any sort of government assistance, no matter what form it is. The bad name government assistance has in this day and age leaves some mothers that are too proud to even apply and ask for help. I have a friend who won’t even let her little boy visit me because “it’s in a bad area”. I’ve never had any problems and I’ve lived here for almost two years.

It makes me sad. I am just trying to make a better life for my children. I want a better life for my children than what I was able to have. I have no doubt there are many struggling mothers out there that would say the same for their child.