So, if any of you haven’t quite gotten the point yet from my previous posts: I’m getting engaged, have been engaged and am planning on getting married this upcoming summer. It’s been in the works for a good six months and I’m super excited, despite it being my second marriage.
But that’s not what I want to talk about.
Have you ever had that friend, family member, or even acquaintance from work who just kept going back to the same person (normally a woman back to a man, but it’s happened the other way around) over and over again? You keep trying and trying to convince the person not to go back because of various reasons (and, I’m sorry, but I’m going to act like it’s a woman going back to a man – I hate stereotyping): “he treats you badly”, “he’s done this before, he’ll do it again”, “you shouldn’t have to put up with his partying and belittling”, and so many other things.
I’ve said that and so much more to many people in my life. I’ve had it said to me in a couple of my previous relationships.
Two days ago, someone I consider one of my closest (and definitely my longest) friends called me and told me she was getting married in December. I was stunned. I had no idea what to say. I wanted to be the best friend that squealed over the phone and was “uber happy” for her, but I just couldn’t. Not genuinely.
Why, you ask?
She’s been engaged to this man three – seperate – other times. They started dating, for the first time, nearly ten years ago and since then have broken up nearly ten to fifteen times up until now. She only got engaged, this time around, near the March/April time. She didn’t tell me, or anybody, about it right away. There’s not a lot of people that are genuinely happy with her current fiance to my knowledge.
But again, it’s not that.
He’s a horrible person and people like him don’t change over night.
Barely a year ago I had to literally talk her out of suicide, twice, in one night because of something he said to her and then projected to his friends because he decided it would be okay for them to hear it. He was cruel. She decided to start driving, her goal four and a half hours away, while crying so hard she could barely see and talking to me on the phone. I could barely hear her the music in the background was so loud.
That night she ended up coming over to my house and getting drunk. A couple hours after she arrived, and had drank half a bottle of vodka, she decided she was going to call her boyfriend (at the time) to make sure he was okay and that she “hadn’t hurt his feelings earlier”. I told her to not to, that it was a bad idea because he obviously didn’t care enough about her to even ask. She had told him how she was feeling: lonely, depressed, and such – and he just blew it off like it was nothing.
He wanted to go to a bar and drink and smoke and party with his pals. She didn’t. She’s not into that.
My friend claims that he’s changed. That he doesn’t do that anymore. That he wants to settle down now, that he wants to have babies with her and he’s got a good steady job.
I told her she should wait until they’ve been in a steady relationship, without breaking up in-between, for over a year and then see how it goes. They’ve been together this round for less than me and my fiance have been and they’re getting married before us? WTF? I know they’ve known each other for several years and dated multiple times with multiple breaks, but still… it’s flawed reasoning. It doesn’t seem right.
It’s too rushed.
I feel bad for her, in the long run. I have this feeling something bad is going to happen. Last April (2012) I was sitting in my room on my bed helping her plan her wedding for that October 2013.
They ended up breaking up in June 2012 and getting together right before Thanksgiving. Right in time for him to move in with her like they originally had planned before the break-up. And now they’re engaged. Oh, wait, now they’re going to be married in three months.
And apparently I’m the maid of honor.
Somebody please shoot me. I don’t want to have to lie in a church. And I don’t want her to end up hurt, because she won’t listen to me. Or anybody for that matter. I can wish all I want, but it’s like a disease, a mental disorder, something. She’s just so used to him that she can’t live without him. It’s less like love and more like obsession.
All I can hope for, I guess, now is that everything works out in the end and that he really has changed.
I hope, I hope, I hope.