Since Last Month!

Omg, it’s been so long since I’ve updated anything on here! I can’t blame it completely on being busy, but the majority… yeah, I have been. With the holidays just passing and my aunt moving in with my fiance and I, plus the extreme cold weather passing through, so everything’s been quite hectic.

Oh, and the wedding that I was in. That happened in between Christmas and New Year’s. Lovely, lovely.

So! Let’s start off, shall we? It seems we have quite a lot to cover. ūüėČ

Christmas was different. Didn’t really know what was going on until about two days beforehand; it was really crazy. My stepdad got all angry because I told my mom to tell him that if he couldn’t accept the fact that she wanted to be with her family on Christmas then he didn’t have to come. He got p*ssed, there was some yelling involved, and he didn’t come. My mom and brothers did, though. It was much more fun of a day than I expected it to be.

My aunt helped cook Christmas dinner, as did my fiance. I made chicken and noodles. There was some squabble over use of the kitchen. There’s some sort of tension over the kitchen. My aunt’s always been the one in the kitchen and, since I’ve been with him, my fiance has always been the one in the kitchen – kind of a switch of perceived gender roles, which we have no objection to, by the way. It’s weird though. Every time my fiance just takes a step into the kitchen, in our own home, my aunt goes in there as well even if she has no reason to be in there. She’ll start talking to my fiance, offering advice (“why don’t you do this?” “why don’t you add that?” “I normally do such n’ such”) and it drives both me and my fiance bonkers, because I normally have to intercede in some way. Cause, y’see, we don’t have a larger kitchen so more than one person being in the kitchen at the same time, especially if the 2nd person has no reason of being in there, causes extreme problems. My fiance is to the point that he’d rather be at work, out of the house, just in general away from my aunt, than at home.

For example: on New Year’s Eve, he had to work the next morning, a 12-hour shift, and so when he got home that evening he brought snacks, champagne, and general stuff for a night in for the two of us. My aunt immediately got on his case: “Well I’ve got that” “You can use this instead” and it drove him absolutely crazy. He’d had a good day at work, an extremely good day at work, and – the way he told me – he didn’t want to come home and her voice be the first thing he hears cause it just ruined it for him.

We ended up going out that night. We ate, drank, stayed out and had some fun. We came home before it turned into 2014. The first thing we did when we came home was put the children to bed then locked ourselves in our bedroom, drank the champagne, ate chips and salsa, and watched movies on the TV we have in our room cause we’re awesome like that. LOL!

I just feel bad. My aunt’s supposed to be moving out and she’s going on living here two months. She was supposed to have moved out near a month ago. I love her, but I hope she doesn’t secretly hope to move in full-time with me. We just don’t have the space. She’s not even paying any sort of rent or bills while living here and she thinks that she’s entitled to everything! So yes, she’s starting to drive me nuts too. I love her, but just like when I was younger, I’m not sure how long I can stand living with her.

Changing topics: the wedding was absolutely beautiful. I had no idea, though, that churches hung the triquatra. I thought it was a Pagan symbol, so I’m thoroughly confused. The Methodist church my best friend got married in still had their Christmas decorations up and on the tree was several triquatras. If someone could explain that to me, I would greatly appreciate it. My fiance, who is well-versed in the Pagan religion, many religions in fact, had no answer.

The batchelorette party was the night before, but I’m very proud of myself as I did not get as sloshed as most people would have expected. I had lots of fun though. We held the party at the groom’s mother’s house, which may seem odd, but if you knew all of us… well, it’s really not that odd, to be quite honest. We played many games, drank till the sun came up, ate chips and dip, pranced around in nightgowns and watched baby videos. It was awesome.

Oh, and can’t forget the guy that hung out with us. One of the other bridesmaid’s, that I don’t really know, boyfriend; he even pranced around in a nightgown with us! It was awesome! Especially the part where he changed in front of us! Does that mean we had our own personal stripper??? LOL!

Though the craziest part about the time surrounding the wedding was the fact the majority of my time was spent with my fiance’s ex who happens to be a close friend of my best friend who was getting married. Said ex was driving me and my best friend around everywhere. It was freaky. Then, y’know, when my fiance showed up at the reception (because he had to work and wasn’t able to make it to the ceremony) she gave him the evil eye… and me, for that matter. Total evilness. She avoided both of us completely but sat herself in the perfect position so that all she had to do was look up and she’d be able to see us and, well, glare. Completely creeped me out. Gah.

Lemme tell ya though, the snow storm’s been fun. The polar vortex or whatever I’ve heard it been called. I’m totally snowed in. We have a total of around 12 inches. Every one on my facebook newsfeed was saying “oh, we’ll only get around 2-3 inches, they’ve said this’ll happen before and it didn’t”. Well hey, it happened. Dumb*ss. I kinda trust the weather channel. I’m not talking local weather channel; I’m talking¬†national weather service. I get daily updates. Heck yeah. My oldest still isn’t back in school cause of the storm and I don’t expect the school to open until, at the earliest, next week. What’s sucky is that all of this means that school is going to go even further into June because on the norm, without the make-up snow days, school goes into June. Fun, fun, fun. :-/

But on the upside of everything, my fiance and I finally might have enough for our wedding in… duh dun duhn!… JUNE! Wish us luck! ūüôā

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Friendship Fail.

A month or so ago I posted about my “best friend” who’s getting married later this month and we were having some difficulties because early-mid last year I was taken advantage of in a most deplorable way and he was standing up for her fiance in the wedding. I haven’t fully gotten past what happened back then and I told her that if he was going to be there, if I had to be around him so intimately [because I, too, am in the wedding] then I wasn’t going to be in the wedding and probably not even attend the ceremony or reception.

Back at my other posts, I thought we had patched things up to the point where we determined that he wasn’t going to be coming: not invited, nodda.

I found out earlier today that not only did neither she nor her fiance tell the friend (the guy who date-raped me) that he was no longer invited to the wedding or anything to do with it, I found out the exact opposite! She has been in contact with him, messaging him and questioning him “why the lack of sudden friendship? I hope there’s no hard feelings from when you moved out earlier this year”.

And no, there’s not apparently. As it turns out, “the guy” and my supposed “best friend” are still good pals and she still considers him a very close friend and is very upset with her fiance because he took his friendship with “the guy” for granted and now she’s trying to mend it. Literally. So far, in fact, that she’s trying to get him to stay¬†in the wedding that he dropped out of being in.

Yeah, the same one that I’m in later this month that my “best friend” said he wasn’t even going to be at. Yet, here she is trying to get him to salvage his friendship with her fiance and come to the wedding “because it would mean a lot to him and he wouldn’t have invited you to stand up for him in the wedding if he wasn’t trying in the friendship”.

I’m so friggin pissed. I’m not sure many people have any idea of just how angry I really and truly am.

So basically, I’ve decided that I’ll go. My children aren’t. They’re going to be staying at my mother’s house for, at the very least, the day of the wedding. My aunt is going because MY fiance decided he wanted absolutely nothing to do with her after this particular stunt and that she isn’t worth rescheduling part of his day at work. Honestly? I’m just going to see what exactly she thinks of me. If “the guy” is there, most especially in the Bridal Party, then I’m just walking out and never speaking to her again. It will be her fault and I just don’t care. I’m at the point of almost not going anyway.

I don’t know what she must think of me, but she must think I’m just some little toy, some sort of pawn, to be used and played with and whose emotions are so easily messed with it’s not funny. She must think that I’ll forgive her for anything. And she must not believe what I told her. I’m hurt; I feel betrayed. This is truly the last straw and for more reasons than one.

She’s the reason why my fiance almost broke up with me this afternoon. And that’s a much longer story. Let’s just leave that at with her, there’s been so much drama and it’s causing him to doubt me in several ways.

I’m not a liar and he has no reason to doubt me. I’m hurt, I’m disgusted, and I’m betrayed. I will not lose one of the most important people in my life because of some petty drama. She wants drama, she’ll get it on her wedding day, especially if she’s the cause of it. Using the “but it’s my wedding day” card won’t work on me then.

And I’m normally not such a bitch. I’m just that angry and hurt.

Little Bit of This and That

So… updates… yeah….

I haven’t posted for a couple days. *slaps hand* Bad llama!

Yeah, I’ve watched “The Emperor’s New Groove” a couple of times with my kids this week. It’s on Netflix and I like it; so do they. Give me some credit here! ^^;; Lol!

Anyway.

My children went with my mom on Friday, as proposed and my fiance and I, well, we actually didn’t do anything spectacular. Friday night, lessee… I think we ended up driving around in town for a bit before settling at this new Indian restaurant in town; my fiance loves Indian food, or just spicy food in general. And the food was exquisite! I was actually able to eat it! I don’t do spicy well. We got onion Naan and garlic Naan. Yum. ūüôā

Then, y’know, we headed home because our tummies were full and played lots and lots of DDR because we’re fatties and need to lose weight. LOL! We stayed up till around 2-3AM that night, I think.

Saturday we slept in till around 2PM and my fiance didn’t even bother to wake me up. Love him to bits, but he could have woken me up. I mean, seriously? I’m not that grumpy when I wake up. I manage to get up at 7AM every weekday morning with little-to-no help from him and get my oldest up, ready, and off to school with no issues. I feel very accomplished with myself, thank you. ^^;; Hehe.

Back to what I was saying.

We woke up and ate a bit. We mostly just snacked. I figured out, though, that I needed to go to David’s Bridal, which is around 30 minutes away from where we live, because I’m in my best friend’s wedding and I still have to get my dress. She’s not making me pay for it, but I had to find the one that I liked the best, looked the best on me, and actually fit me. Oh, and fit her conditions: apple red, floor length, and under $150 at final cost. Mine ended up being a strapless, apple red, flowy chiffon gown. It kinda has that Greek-goddess look to it. I really like it. It’s kind of ironic, though – and I didn’t realize this until yesterday – but the dress I chose for a bridesmaid is almost identical to the dress I have stored at my aunt and uncle’s house for my wedding. The only differences are that my outer layer is more lacy than chiffon and is split in the middle so it’s much more flowy; it’s an off-white, kind of creamy; it has very thin, double-strapped spaghetti straps going over each shoulder. Other than that, they’re pretty much the same. I hope my fiance doesn’t realize that when I’m walking down the aisle toward him in our wedding. ><;;

We ended up eating out after our trip to David’s Bridal.¬† We browsed around Wal-Mart for a bit, searching for stuff for the kids, stuff we need for the house, just stuff. We were trying to make the most out our last evening without the children, especially considering something had come up at my mom’s house and we had to pick them up early: 12PM early. Though, that kind of put my mind at rest considering the storms we were “supposed” to get (that, I know now, never hit us).

The final stop for my fiance and I was a small restaurant near our house where we stopped and had a few drinks; I think I had three – and whew! My first one was a doozy! My fiance, I think had two mixed drinks and a beer. All my drinks were very large mixed drinks. I guess I still have a decent tolerance even though I don’t really drink anymore. I haven’t had a drink in almost a year, not including the other night obviously.

My fiance and I made it home just fine. Which, just saying, was amazing and that’s not because we had been drinking. It was raining cats and dogs outside when we left the place and when we walked inside there wasn’t a cloud in the sky! I hate it when the weather changes so quickly. :-/

Neither of us was drunk when we got home, so, once again, we went in, fiddled a little on our computers (I pretty much just read a little and went through my newsfeed on facebook then stopped – the storm was messing with the Internet), and then we played DDR… again. We played for so long it was ridiculous. After we finally got tired of playing we watched two episodes of “The Vampire Diaries” – and yes, you read that right – and then we finally realized what time it was.

It was five in the morning (5AM). We were going to be SO dead in the morning. It takes over an hour to get to my mom’s place and we had to be there by noon.

And THAT was my weekend, pretty much, in a nutshell. Lol!

 * * *

In other news, my landlord has finally decided to fix the foundation on the house I’m renting from him. Thank goodness! He’s renewing the wiring too, which isn’t something my fiance and I anticipated or even asked for so I’m quite excited. The unfortunate part is that it’s going to take a week or two to fix everything that actually needs fixing, so hopefully they get it done fast. They’ve been here since Monday.

Would you believe they actually created a hole in the foundation and then redid it? Now there’s an even bigger breeze going through my basement into the house. I’m so blah about it. I mean, they’re fixing it – you can tell – and I think they poured cement into it today, but still… a hole?! Gah. I just don’t understand these people.

And I’m only going to mention this briefly because I’m so ashamed with myself: I haven’t written on my NaNoWriMo novel since my last update. I’M SO ASHAMED!!!!!

Oh, and the WiiFit is down. Apparently I weigh 300-something pounds now. Just saying, I did NOT gain over 90 pounds in 1 week. I definitely don’t look like I did. Besides, I’m down a dress size. Oh, and my fiance didn’t gain over 100 pounds either. I saw him when he weighed almost 300 pounds and what he looks like now is SO not it. Stupid WiiFit.

But on the up-side, my fiance is a working man again! He got a job that pays $10/hour today! And he starts tomorrow! It’s a 12-hour rotating shift; he works three days on, three days off. I’m not sure about much else than that. I mean, I know he’s a trainee for now, but other than that…. ^^;;

I guess things are starting to look up for us finally! Something bad will happen sooner or later, but until that happens, I will continue to relish in my happiness. My three children are my most precious and my fiance is the love of my life.

I’m happy. Truly, wonderfully happy. ‚̧

Love & Friendship Prevails

I’m… so happy.

I honestly didn’t expect this outcome. I guess it shows I should have a little more faith in the young woman that I have deemed my best friend.

She came over earlier; it was the last day she was going to be in town before heading back out of state for classes at her college. She has a long drive. Anyways, she brought her nephew with¬†her¬†and me, her, and my fiance hung out. Well, more like me and her hung out, my fiance made waffles and jello, and her nephew and my children all played in the living room. It was… different, to say the least.

Then, finally, at one point, she asked me if I was still coming to her wedding. I didn’t have a response. I just asked her if she had talked to her fiance about it. She said she had, and that they had come to a screaming match about it because while he believed me, he also didn’t believe his friend (the guy who date-raped me) could be such a bad guy. I didn’t know what to say. I told her I wanted to be in the wedding, I didn’t want to ruin her wedding, but I couldn’t be around him. I felt like I was raped, completely violated, and just… couldn’t. She countered by saying that we were both equally drunk and if I had given him any signals that I had liked him beforehand, it could’ve been considered consent.

Well, let’s just say the conversation stopped there momentarily.

I went in the kitchen and talked to my fiance. She got called upon by her nephew and had to use the bathroom. When, at one point, my fiance walked out of the kitchen and I stayed behind making a snack for myself, she came in and talked to me; we continued our conversation.

I don’t know where exactly we started out the conversation again – I think we repeated a bit of it – but I did point out a couple things that I’m not sure she knew. Yes, before it happened I considered myself having a developing “crush”, for lack of better term, on him and apparently she mentioned that to him before the “party” got started; it was her very-much belated birthday party with a bunch of friends and we all got shit-faced drunk.

Here’s the thing. I was one of the last people up; so was he. One of the last things I remember is going into the bathroom to take my epilepsy meds that I forgot to take in all the excitement (that I should have taken before I started drinking) and changing into shorts and a t-shirt to sleep in. After that I walked into the bedroom across the hall from the bathroom that my best friend told me I could sleep in, and well, it gets fuzzier and fuzzier from there. Because, y’see, I don’t remember how or when he got into the room in my bed. I know I didn’t invite him. I may have had a “developing crush” but I don’t sleep with someone on the first date, or even before I get to know them. So, seriously?!

I do know, and I’m not proud to say this – I’m actually quite ashamed – that after I laid down on my bed I did try and go to sleep, but he started touching me. I must have been hardcore drunk, and I mean plastered, at the time, because I never would have done what I did otherwise because it was my best friend’s house (and my first time there, nonetheless), but I gave him a blowjob.

But then I just blacked out; I passed out. That’s all I remember,¬†and then I woke up in the morning and…. I’m not going into detail with that, but let’s just say that it was very obvious that something had happened other than just a blowjob and I had not given consent. I’m sure if you put your mind to it, you can imagine a detail or two that would make it obvious.

… Oh, and there’s the fact that¬†he saluted me as he tried to sneak out of the bottom of the bed. I woke up as he was trying to and looked at him. Asshole.

There’s more to it, though. As my former-military fiance has explained to me and, yesterday, to my best friend, if a female passes out and you still have sex with her, that’s automatic rape whether you were about to have sex or not. If she passes out she isn’t able to say yes or no, so it’s considered date-rape. When he was in the military it was imbedded into his head because, apparently, there were some [in his words] “pretty fucked up dudes” in the military with him that would actually wait until a woman was passed out and then have sex with her, just to get off.

I explained all of this to my best friend. I explained everything that happened to me. In detail. I told her how after I lay there, in that bed where it had happened, for at minimum 30 minutes, I got up, gathered my things, and took a hour-long shower. (Which she says she remembers thinking was unusual because I never take showers that long.) She brought up how maybe he didn’t know what he did was wrong because I never brought it up and told him. I looked her straight in the eye and told her that I tried to talk to him multiple times over that weekend and he just turned away from me without saying so much a word and she was witness to it. I asked if she remembered. She did.

She asked me more questions, various questions, to make sure she got the whole story, but there wasn’t much more to tell. I¬†asked her though, and I was crying by this time, if she remembered when I started sleeping with all those men from the bar for a couple of months? She nodded. I told her “after being raped 3 times in a little less than a year and a half I felt that’s all I was good for”.

And then she started crying along with me.¬† She said she never realized and that she was sorry. She told me that she’d confronted him about how he acted like such an asshole after the blowjob and he just said “but we didn’t have sex”, but that she hadn’t mentioned anything else because she only found out a couple of months ago. My best friend said any other time she tried to bring up me around him in a conversation, he would just turn and walk away. That on the ride home from her place [out of state] last year he told everyone how he couldn’t understand how anyone could stand me for more than an hour or two.

I had no comment. I didn’t know what to say. That it’s pretty much an admission of guilt? That it’s completely immature? That he’s just an asshole? I had so many things, so many responses, that I wanted to say, but I didn’t know how so I just kept my mouth shut.

After a good cry and trying to figure out our options, she decided to call her fiance and figure things out once and for all; I told her my main goal was to be as far away from him as possible. I didn’t want to see him, be around him, anything. Our compromise was that he would be taken out of the bridal party and just be invited and made to promise to stay away from me at all costs, even if he wants to talk to somebody near me. (“If I get to pull my Bridezilla card only once during this wedding, this will be it. It is called the Bridal Party.”)

So she called her fiance; I listened to the conversation on her end [with permission, of course]. I was completely blown away by the response her fiance gave her. In fact, actually, so was she. We were prepared for a fight, hence the compromise we had prepared. Because of her fiance we didn’t even need it. He told her that if she would feel the same way [and she told him she would] and that if she felt that strongly about it then he was out. Not even invited.

She understood what I was going through because it had happened to her before. Her fiance listened to her because he loves her. Something happened, something wonderful, and now I can be with my best friend on her wedding day.

I am literally crying right now at the miracle of it all. 

* * *

Any questions brought on by this blog-post article might be answered in this blog-post that I wrote shortly after this one. If you have a question that is not answered, feel free to leave a comment and I will answer it to the best of my ability. Thank you.

Post-Note: To Prevent Confusion

* * *

Friendship Status: Processing

It’s been about two weeks now. I wonder if she’s thought about it, if she’s actually talked about it with her fiance?

What am I talking about it? I’m talking about my “best friend” who’s getting married in December. I’m in the wedding, but so is the man that raped me. I confronted her about it and her response was… not very enthusiastic on my behalf. It was almost as if she was fighting for him instead.

In the time since then I’ve been busy moving but it hasn’t stopped me from thinking about the situation concerning her. My stress level, my anxiety, has went through the roof since that phone conversation those weeks ago. I’ve imagined so many ways that this could turn out, so many different conversations; unfortunately, most of them finish with the ending of our friendship. I can’t help but think “what happened?”

Five years ago she never would have second-guessed me about what I’ve said. Three years ago she would’ve stood by my side through thick and thin. Now, though, everything has changed and I don’t know why. I’ve known her for most of my given life, most of which I’ve considered her to be my best friend.

I’m afraid to her what she’s going to say, if she ever says anything to me at all. Because, like I’ve said, it’s been two weeks and I’ve heard no response about it.

I think she’s avoiding the issue. Maybe she’s afraid too? Maybe she doesn’t want to tell me that she [and her fiance] have decided that I’m “too selfish” and they don’t want me in the wedding at all? Or maybe she would rather tell me face to face? This weekend is going to be the first weekend since our phone confrontation that she’ll be nearby since she goes to college out of state. Or… or maybe she is just avoiding it altogether, avoiding me. It’s possible.

There are so many possibilities out there and I’ve only listed a few. I’ve even thought of the possibility where she and her fiance discuss it and she actually does defend me. Ironically, if she did that, her and her fiance (for the umpteenth time, might I add) would more than likely break-up… again. I think she’s going to choose him over me, which to some extent I can understand, but she also understands where I’m coming from.

She’s been raped too. That’s why I though, hoped, that she would understand where I was coming from and why I was asking something so drastic of her. Instead, though, I got the response of “he’s been best friends with him for 10 years, I could never ask that of him, just like I hope he would never ask me to take you out of the wedding”.

I didn’t think about it at the time, but she and I have known him for the same amount of time. We met him¬†(her fiance) eleven years ago at the same time. Ten years ago said guy (“the rapist”) was not her fiance’s best friend when we met him, another guy was. Maybe seven years ago they became best friends, at most eight, but definitely not ten. I kind of think she was pulling the number of years out of her ass, so to speak. And it makes me angry.

And I’ve discussed it with MY fiance; he understands where I’m coming from. I made the comment the other night while he was preparing dinner (yes, he was – not me) that if her rapist was in our wedding I would take him out without a second thought. I’d tell the guy “sorry”, but something¬†came up. Though, after hearing what happened I probably wouldn’t want to be around that guy much anyway. My fiance understood that and completely agreed.

It basically comes down to the fact to whose friendship does she value more. I’m not even sure if it has anything to do with her fiance, and if¬†he does then their relationship is more of a dictatorship then one of equal value.

The way I see it, if she valued my friendship and believed what I said she would put more stock into my request instead of, what seems to me, just pushing it aside to be dealt with later.

Apparently I’m not a good enough friend because I’m trying to ruin her big day by asking for the guy that raped me to not be near me. I’m sorry. I’ll try to be less selfish; I only wanted to not have a panic attack in front of 200 people.

I’d Rather Not

Back so many weeks ago I posted about one of my friends getting married. I mentioned that I was going to be in her wedding: a bridesmaid. There’s a catch now, and it’s been bothering me for at least two weeks; that’s half the time I’ve known she’s going to be getting married in December.

Last year, for her birthday, there was a big to-do at her place over the weekend. I had to travel out of state for it. It was a month or so before I started dating my fiance. There’s was a dinner and then bar-hopping and then more alcohol back at her place. Lots and lots of alcohol. We played multiple drinking games and everybody ended up getting shit-faced drunk and passing out somewhere. Though, overall, we had fun.

Me? Not so much.

It wasn’t the hangover the next morning. It was in-between that got me. Somebody that was invited, her¬†[current] fiance’s long-time friend, was what happened. To be honest, I don’t remember much. I remember going to take my nightly meds that I’m supposed to take for my epilepsy and when I stumbled into the bedroom she assigned me, he was in the bed. And then… I remember kissing him, but nothing hardcore at all. And there’s black-outs. I kept waking up and I was somewhere else on the bed, in a different position, with less clothing.

I’m going to assume you can figure out what happened. I would rather not relive it again.

The thing is, though. I wasn’t able to tell her everything about what happened within the 48hours after it occurred. I told her some of it, but not all of it. Enough for her to see him as a complete douchebag; though she did tell me that “oh, didn’t I tell you? He’s a complete womanizer and has no respect for women at all” afterward.

I flipped out.

Around a year later I tell her the whole of what happened… or what I can remember of it. I had told my fiance about it and he asked if she knew; he told me I needed to tell her the rest and I did. Afterward, she confronted said guy and she said that he blamed the alcohol.

Now it’s several months later and I have to confront her again. I’m in her wedding. So is he. I can’t be around him. I can’t.

I’ve already confronted her and she doesn’t seem to understand; either that, or she doesn’t believe that any of it actually happened. I’m not sure which to believe. I want her to believe me, but… I just don’t know!

I told her earlier today over the phone that I “wasn’t comfortable being around him”. She said she would talk to her fiance about it, but not before asking me multiple times if I was coming to her wedding.

Yeah. And she asked me that if he gave a “sincere apology” could we work something out?

That hurt. A lot.

Because if he gave an apology now I know it would be forced by her. It’s been over a year later and any time I see him around town he dodges the other way. There’s no way he would willingly apologize and, if he did, there’s no way it would be sincere. I would never believe it, I hate to say.

I don’t know what to do. I really don’t.¬†I hate putting her in this spot, but…

Would you want to be so close to someone who raped you?

* * *

Blinded by Love… or Obsession?

So, if any of you haven’t quite gotten the point yet from my previous posts: I’m getting engaged, have been engaged and am planning on getting married this upcoming summer. It’s been in the works for a good six months and I’m super excited, despite it being my second marriage.

But that’s not what I want to talk about.

Have you ever had that friend, family member, or even acquaintance from work who just kept going back to the same person (normally a woman back to a man, but it’s happened the other way around) over and over again? You keep trying and trying to convince the person not to go back because of various reasons (and, I’m sorry, but I’m going to act like it’s a woman going back to a man – I hate stereotyping): “he treats you badly”, “he’s done this before, he’ll do it again”, “you shouldn’t have to put up with his partying and belittling”, and so many other things.

I’ve said that and so much more to many people in my life. I’ve had it said to me in a couple of my previous relationships.

Two days ago, someone I consider one of my closest (and definitely my longest) friends called me and told me she was getting married in December. I was stunned. I had no idea what to say. I wanted to be the best friend that squealed over the phone and was “uber happy” for her, but I just couldn’t. Not genuinely.

Why, you ask?

She’s been engaged to this man three – seperate – other times. They started dating, for the first time, nearly ten years ago and since then have broken up nearly ten to fifteen times up until now. She only got engaged, this time around, near the March/April time. She didn’t tell me, or anybody, about it right away. There’s not a lot of people that are genuinely happy with her current fiance to my knowledge.

But again, it’s not that.

He’s a horrible person and people like him don’t change over night.

Barely a year ago I had to literally talk her out of suicide, twice, in one night because of something he said to her and then projected to his friends because he decided it would be okay for them to hear it. He was cruel. She decided to start driving, her goal four and a half hours away, while crying so hard she could barely see and talking to me on the phone. I could barely hear her the music in the background was so loud.

That night she ended up coming over to my house and getting drunk. A couple hours after she arrived, and had drank half a bottle of vodka, she decided she was going to call her boyfriend (at the time) to make sure he was okay and that she “hadn’t hurt his feelings earlier”. I told her to not to, that it was a bad idea because he obviously didn’t care enough about her to even ask. She had told him how she was feeling: lonely, depressed, and such – and he just blew it off like it was nothing.

He wanted to go to a bar and drink and smoke and party with his pals. She didn’t. She’s not into that.

My friend claims that he’s changed. That he doesn’t do that anymore. That he wants to settle down now, that he wants to have babies with her and he’s got a good steady job.

I told her she should wait until they’ve been in a steady relationship, without breaking up in-between, for over a year and then see how it goes. They’ve been together this round for less than me and my fiance have been and they’re getting married before us? WTF? I know they’ve known each other for several years and dated multiple times with multiple breaks, but still… it’s flawed reasoning. It doesn’t seem right.

It’s too rushed.

I feel bad for her, in the long run. I have this feeling something bad is going to happen. Last April (2012) I was sitting in my room on my bed helping her plan her wedding for that October 2013.

They ended up breaking up in June 2012 and getting together right before Thanksgiving. Right in time for him to move in with her like they originally had planned before the break-up. And now they’re engaged. Oh, wait, now they’re going to be married in three months.

And apparently I’m the maid of honor.

Somebody please shoot me. I don’t want to have to lie in a church. And I don’t want her to end up hurt, because she won’t listen to me. Or anybody for that matter. I can wish all I want, but it’s like a disease, a mental disorder, something. She’s just so used to him that she can’t live without him. It’s less like love and more like obsession.

All I can hope for, I guess, now is that everything works out in the end and that he really has changed.

I hope, I hope, I hope.