Anticipation, Anxiety, & Grrrr

I’m tired; I’m out of energy; I’m nauseous and my breasts are sore. If I’m not pregnant, I want to know what the f*ck is wrong with my body because I never PMS symptoms like these. The most I have is a slightly sore lower back the day before I start my period and I don’t even HAVE that. So seriously… WTF?!

I’m not saying I am preggers. I’m not saying I am. The body can seriously play mind games and no matter how well I may know my body and even though I’ve been pregnant twice, it doesn’t matter. One, it’s been three years since my last pregnancy so being pregnant is a mere memory to me; I don’t remember every detail… obviously. Two, well, it’s been three years. My body’s changed since then, therefore symptoms and everything are bound to change. And I’m with a different man. I’ve heard that has something to do with it, but I’m honestly not sure.

That and I really just don’t want to get my hopes up in case I’m not preggers. Getting my hopes up and not being preggers REALLY sucks ass. I hate it. I’ve done that and it hurt. I didn’t like it, so I just try to stay neutral as much as possible. It’s hard, but I just… I just try. I try to remain, I don’t know, scientific, about it? I try to think of it logically? It’s hard to really say. Just that I try to not get emotionally attached to something that I don’t know is real or not. :-/

Le sigh.

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