Things Are Coming Along. :)

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WOOT!

I made it past 7000 words overall with my NaNoWriMo novel! I wrote over 2000 words tonight! That’s a new record for me! It’s craziness! I have to say, the @NaNoWordSprints on Twitter really help motivate me because, even though they give the option of using a prompt, I almost never do I just use the times they give to help motivate myself into thinking “you have to write /this much/ in /this amount/ of time”. I don’t know why it helps me so much, but I think if I had been doing this every year I would have finished my novels, or would have gotten much farther in them. I can’t wait to see where my novel leads. (Even though, y’know, I have it plotted out….)

But I’m just rambling. Lol!

In another update: I exercised for over an hour today and NOT just on DDR, thank you very much. ;P Lol! I tried very hard to stick to my diet today, but it was very hard. Cause, y’see, today was my fiance’s birthday and we had to celebrate a little bit. So we had cake and ice cream. And pop. But only two glasses of pop! (It was Dr. Pepper.) And I only had one piece of cake. So I didn’t do too horribly bad, but I’m probably going to need to exercise a bit extra tomorrow.

Oh! Something is happening that hasn’t happening in MONTHS. My mom has agreed to take my kids for the weekend – as in, Friday through Sunday. I’m dropping them off tomorrow afternoon with the instructions: no sweets, keep the youngest two seperated at night and they’ll sleep fine, and they get a cough at night. Then I’m probably going to go run off and be merry. And sleep a lot.

This is, by all means, my vacation weekend. And yes, I know that sounds bad because my kids are gone. But did you know that studies have been done and have shown that a couple with kids needs to have at least 1-2 days per month away from their children for personal/private time whether it’s with each other or not. If you  don’t then stress gets too high and things turn ugly. Apparently everybody in my household has super patience and self-control because nothing has happened since around May-June. ^^;;

But now, I must retire to bed. I am super tired. And slightly slap-happy. Hehe.

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Hope, hope, hope!!!!!

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So, serious “cheat day” on my diet today… but I had a good reason!

Today was my fiance and I’s anniversary! YAY!

We got a babysitter for the kids for 3-4 hours this evening and we went out and had our first real “date night” with just us since somewhere in the May-June area. We had so much fun. It was relaxing and we just enjoyed ourselves, talking and not having to worry every five seconds about the kids. It felt nice.

Tomorrow’s my fiance’s birthday, and we have to be home for most of the day because the gas is FINALLY getting turned on (we have heat, but the gas is a differet story altogether). They didn’t give us a time, though, so we’re winging it; they did say they’d call 30 minutes before they came. I hope they stick to that because tomorrow is ALSO my oldest child’s picture day and since he’s only in preschool I have to go to the school and help and I’m not sure how long that’s going to take. I’ve pretty much decided that I’m just going to leave my cell phone in the car with my fiance and if they call while I’m in the school then he can call the school, leave a message for me and then come and pick me up later, I guess. If worse comes to worst. ^^;; Lol!

As for my NaNoWriMo novel…. well, um…. I wrote about 400-500 more words today. And for most of the day, my children were really cranky, so I was soothing them. I don’t know why they were. It’s something I’m trying to figure out.

But anyway, I just haven’t had much time to write today. I’m just now writing this and then I plan on heading to bed. Well, I think me and my fiance are going to play a couple rounds of DDR, because it’s awesome and it really does exercise you a bit. (He made the comment earlier that he can already feel the difference in his muscles in his legs.) I hope to write more tomorrow, though! And through the weekend! My mom’s supposed to keep the kids Friday through Sunday, but I haven’t heard back from her yet. Hope, hope, hope!!!!

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Working Toward My Goals – YES!

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So I’m proud to annouce that I have successfully reached over 5000 words on my NaNoWriMo novel as of 12:15am, thank you very much! Lol! It excites me to no end to see the fast pace that I’ve been writing. I wrote over 200 words in less than 5 minutes! That’s seriously a record for me. I normally have to stop and think and rethink and I just go crazy! It’s completely insane. I’m happy with how things are going, even if I’m way behind the “set pace” for NaNoWriMo.

And today I found out that DDR is a very good way to exercise. Anybody who doesn’t know what DDR is, is crazy. Anybody who DOES know what it is, is completely friggin awesome in my book. My fiance has it for, get this, PLAYSTATION 2!!! Yeah. Kinda crazy. It’s a relatively old system, especially since we have a Wii, too. We’re just nutso like that. 😉

But we played DDR (we have 3-4 versions of it for the PS2) for around 2 hours and we seriously broke a sweat. I have weak ankles, so I had issues with the jumps, but it was super fun! I love it! I love the music and the challenge and just the overall-ness of it. I used to play DDR when they had it in the arcade at my local mall. That was before I had my oldest child… several years ago… and when I was in high school. (I had my first child the year after I was supposed to graduate.)

But, my fiance is being a butthole and telling me I need to get to sleep (which I do), so I need to get off the computer and go to bed. Le sigh. Maybe I can convince him to play DDR again? Since, y’know, the TV is in our room…. hehe…..

Update: Back or Not? Hopefully!

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So, hopefully, I’m back.

I’ve been writing off and on for NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and, as much as it hurts to say it, I’m not doing so well. I’ve got about 3000 words written, but I’m proud of what I do have done and I think that, for once in my life, even if it will take me a month or so longer, I will be able to finish this novel. It’s, slightly, based off of my life. Only how it could have been in an alternate universe. I think it’s cool. Of course, I’m using different names for everybody and changing things that happened. I don’t want it to mirror my life exactly. That would be awkward!

As of yesterday I’ve lost 4 pounds total on my diet. Last week I didn’t do so good with the exercising and I cheated a little. (I ate my oldest’s chicken strips from Burger King – they’re just so yummy!) So this week I’m going double on the exercising, working extra hard to keep with the calorie-count part of the diet, and I’m determined not to cheat no matter how tempting it may be. My mom, when my fiance and I visited her with the kids earlier in the week, said that I already looked like I had lost a little bit of weight and it just… it made me feel so good. It completely lit me up. I want to feel like that again. I want to be able to feel good about how I look in my own skin. I believe I can do that. It’ll just take some time. 🙂

And later this week is not only my fiance and I’s [so many month over a year that you don’t need to know] anniversary, it’s his birthday! So I have a friend who agreed to babysit for the evening on our anniversary and my mom is working on clearing her schedule to keep the children for the weekend – and I’m talking about Friday through Sunday weekend. I’m so excited. We haven’t had any time to ourselves since, I don’t know, May? June? At the very latest July, but I’m not so sure. I’m just excited. ^_^

Ah, yes. My migraine issue. Well, I have good news and bad news. I’m going to be posting again! YAY! Bad news? I still have a migraine. It’s so weird. No type of pain killer will help with it – believe me, I’ve tried – but it’s still there. I’ve just gotten used to it and learned to live with the nausea and sun-sensitivity. It sucks, but that’s life now, I guess.

Annnn~nnnd… that’s it. For now! I’m working on other stuff, mostly my NaNoWriMo novel, so I might still be slow to posting, but I’ll try!

Migraines Suck. Seriously.

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So, I’m completely losing my mind. I’ve had a migraine for the past three (3) days and I’ve tried everything. At first I thought it was just my allergies, then I thought it was a sinus headache. Now it’s just full-out migraine and I’m dying. Well, that’s how I feel anyway. I’ve taken Advil, acetaminophen, and tried Benadryl (not at the same time, thank you). None of it helped even a little bit. I was sooooo disappointed.

Seriously, the last time my head hurt this bad for this long was around the time I had my last baby, who ended up in the NICU (neo-natal intensive care unit). I was freaking out, totally post-partum, and the NICU nurses ended up sending me to the ER (emergency room) because I was starting to get delerious and, well, I couldn’t remember my own name, birthday, social security number… anything. Of course, now I remember everything in perfect detail, which doesn’t really help me any.

So, to put it down simply, depending on how long it takes for this migraine to go away, it might be awhile before I make any big updates after this. I plan on trying to keep my Twitter account updated a couple times a day, no matter how sh*tty I may be feeling. In my mind, it’s my way of keeping everyone up to date and myself involved in the world. 🙂

I do feel like crap though, and I blame it all on the migraine. This month is NaNoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) and I completely lack any sort of concentration, which sucks, and next week is my fiance’s birthday.

I hope I’m feeling better soon so that things can get accomplished. Keep me in your thoughts and hope that I don’t end up in the ER again! 😉

OMG! It’s NOVEMBER!!!!

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I can’t believe I almost forgot! I’ve been so busy with moving and dieting and exercising and a little bit of everything in between I almost forgot that after October came November. Heck, I almost forgot we were in October.

I really need to stop myself from thinking in an “Ernie” voice from Sesame Street. It’s starting to irritate me. Back to writing.

But seriously! I really did almost forgot the month! I barely remembered about November and then I flipped out! Anybody who’s serious about writing KNOWS that November is the annual National Novel Writing Month (NaNoWriMo) and it’s, like, everywhere.

So, earlier today, I started my novel. I’m only, y’know…. three and a half days behind. It’s all good. I’ve been planning to start writing this forever, so no biggie.

And I’m proud. I already have nearly 2000 words written!

Though… when the goal is 50,000 words, that’s not a lot. 😦

Things’ll work out eventually. Even with lack of sleep because I drank too much caffeine and was too busy worrying about the fact that our fridge is going out.

Yeah, I need sleep. Badly. My oldest child is getting up in a half an hour for school. I’m doomed. :-/

 

Day 7, Week 1

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Like the title says, today is Day 7.

Day 7 of what, you say? Why, today is Day 7 of my new diet & exercise regimen and I’m oh-so excited!

It’s sad, really. I’ve never made it this far into a diet or exercise regime before; I’m doubly proud for making it this far, which isn’t saying much. Buuuu~ut… before I say too much, I’m going to go through the week. 😉

A lot has happened this week. More than progressing on the diet and such. My fiance helped me finish moving out of my [old] apartment and I turned in my keys this past week! I think that’s an achievement, for sure. Before I turned in my keys we made sure everything was out of the apartment and cleaned it up a bit –  mopping, sweeping, and such. I told my previous landlady so, and also that there were a few nicks in the walls from my children and the blinds needed fixing, but that was all. She took it in stride and said whatever needed fixing she would take out of my deposit. Which is fine with me as long as I was able to get out of that hell-hole.

And I did! Yay!

I also had a meeting with the preschool teacher for my eldest child on… wait for it…. Halloween. It’s true! Anyway, though, I went to the school nearby to meet with her about my child transferring there and to fill out all the forms required. I was very impressed! The classroom is twice as big with less than half the amount of students at his last preschool; my child will be getting more individual and hands-on attention. I’m so very, very excited. He starts on Monday (tomorrow) and will be going to school every weekday in the mornings – a halfday, if you will. Hopefully he’ll be able to catch up from where he was behind.

And then, it brings us to today.

All week my fiance and I have been struggling through the first week of our diet and exercise. To be quite honest, we barely did any exercise, which probably isn’t very good, but it’s just the first week and the fact that we did any at all is good, right? We exercised about every other day. It was an honest effort. I have a lot to work on because I never worked any of my stomach muscles after my emergency c-section with my last child. (I do NOT reccommend a c-section to anyone unless absolutely neccessary.) Now my tummy muscle is beyond loose and I hate it; plus I have gained weight since I had my last child – about forty to fifty pounds more!

Anyway, after being sore the first couple of days from exercising, I started stretching every morning and I haven’t been sore since and that is fantastic. Overall, this week I’ve lost three (3) pounds and I’m closer to achieving my goal of being at a healthy weight! I really am very excited.

Today, though, is “cheat day” and so I’m pretty much eating my weight in whatever I want. I’ve had McDonald’s and Chinese food. I’ve had coffee with lots of creamer and sugar; two peanut butter and nutella sandwiches ; pumpkin ice cream with caramel and whipped cream. My personal goal for today? Eat what I’ve wanted to eat for the last week. Overall goal? Up my calorie intake so my body doesn’t adjust to the lower calorie count and I’m still able to lose weight.

I guess we’ll see after today how it goes!!

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During Work He Does What?

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Ok. So I’m not  complaining, but I just don’t understand how this could happen.

My ex-husband moved out of state over 6 months ago and I’ve little-to-no contact with him since, other than what was required. I’m still “friends”, so to speak, with him on facebook so I see what’s going on in his life and whatnot.

He works everyday. Well, every weekday. He works 8AM-5PM, with normal overtime. He has some sort of computer job; not sure exactly what he does. :-/

Anyway, here’s the kicker.

Everyday, he’s posting on facebook between the hours of 8AM and 5PM.

But not only that, he’s also posting, many more times, on his tumblr account.

Oh, and he gets on his online dating site that he brags about being on.

All during the hours of 8AM and 5PM, his work hours.

What I don’t get is how his employers don’t know that he’s using their computers, their internet, to get online and do whatever the f**k he wants. From what I’ve gathered from his facebook account, he does the same thing afterwork too: posting on facebook, tumblr, and getting on the online dating site. So is he even doing any work at all? Is he even earning his almost $100k/yr pay?

My answer: probably not.

Unfortunately, I can’t prove it and it’ll be considered heresy – the whole “he said, she said”, even if I print-screened things from all of the sites.

*Le sigh* Sometimes, life just is not fair.

Truly Happy

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I have few true happinesses in my life. But I have them.

They are different than the things that make me smile. Something good happening to my favorite character on a TV show can make me smile. Reading a book and finding out that the two lovers, once seperated, finally found their way to each other again (even though it’s highly predictable) can make me smile.

Seriously, brownies can make me smile. And that was before my diet.

It’s just… those aren’t the kind of things that I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the feeling I get when my youngest child walks over to me when I’m sitting down and climbs up on my lap and just hugs me; just wraps his arms around me the best he can [since he’s so small] and lays his head on my chest and cuddles into me. It’s that feeling.

It’s the feeling I get when my oldest child runs up to me and latches onto my leg in an imitation of hugging and looks up to me with a huge smile and his eyes bright and tries to say, in his working language, “Love you, Mommy”.

It’s the feeling I get when I see my fiance smile. When he holds my hand. When he says or does something for no other reason than to make me laugh.

It’s the feeling when my fiance and I are laying together at night, my head on his chest and his arms around me, and I feel secure, safe, loved and we’re talking about nothing and everything.

It’s those moments when I feel Truly Happy.

I think I can… I think I can….

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So, my fiance and I finally decided to get on a diet and exercise regimen.  The final decision-maker for me was, surprisingly enough, not the fact that I’m going to be in my best friend’s wedding or that mine is less than a year away even though both are good motivators. No, the final push I needed was seeing myself naked in the new mirror after I got out of the shower. Oh yeah, the new mirror is situated directly across from the bath/shower so I didn’t really have a choice.

I was appalled. I was disgusted. I was, well, shocked. I look so much different than I did a year ago. One year ago I was forty pounds lighter and under 200 pounds. For my height, which is tall for a woman, it’s not terribly horrible, but I want to be able to not be self-conscious of how I look when I sit down. Or move. When I checked my BMI, it came up “obese”. I’ve never gotten that, and I hate that I finally crossed that line.

I hate how I look. I don’t want to end up even more obese. That was the deciding factor.

I want to be someone that I can be confident in how I look. I want to be someone who, when they’re older, my children won’t be embarrassed for their friends to see me. I want to be a confident, beautiful, happy young woman. I want people to say “You’ve had three kids? No way!”

I want to be able to feel good about myself again. Like I did in the spring and summer of 2012.

It’s going to work. It’s just a feeling I have. My fiance’s done it before and he lost 80 pounds. He’s since gained 20 lbs. of it back, but he wanted to lose more anyway, but the point is he knows what he’s doing. He’s doing it in a healthy fashion and, now, we have a “buddy” to do it with: someone to encourage us when we’re starting to lose our way who’s going through the same thing.

We can do this. We can.

I can.